Sunday, February 9, 2014

Figaro - Act III - Battle Plan

ACT III - Battle Plan

First Narration:

Before we begin again, we’d like to pause for a moment for a word from our sponsors.

(piano plays “Hat man nicht auch Gold beineben” from Beethvoen’s Fidelio)

Are you worried about your opera loving parent or grandparent? Are you concerned that they have to spend their remaining years in a world which has no memory of Maria Callas or Milton Cross? This month, a special rest home for opera loving seniors opens in Station North on the site of the old Everyman Theater and the Chicken Box called Fidelio Nursing Center. With every new deposit of an opera loving old person into our state of the art facility, you get a free recording of Pavarotti’s final crossover album which he taped with Miley Cyrus on his deathbed, and a free t-shirt for every new inpatient which says “Kiss Me, I’m Incontinent.” Fidelio Assisted Living Center - We Care So You Don’t Have To.

And while we’re waiting for Act III to begin, we thought we might take you backstage and interview a performer or two. Firstly, let’s talk to our Barberina, Abigail Seaman.

“It’s great to be here Mr. Narrator”

“Thank you Abby. So in this opera you’re obviously in the vocal special teams division. You have to wait backstage for hours before you come out and sing a few lines of dialogue and a small aria. Obviously you can’t warm up backstage or talk on your i-phone, and it’s too noisy here to concentrate on a book or the internet. So what do you do back there all this time? What do you think about?”

“Well Mr. Narrator, I mostly try to oscilate between panic and enjoying the music. But usually there are two things I think about most:  what internet giff I’m going to make tonight and prepping myself for the binge drinking that’s inevitably going to follow this performance.”

(awkward pause) “...Well, it appears we’re out of time. (nudges Abby off the stage) Thank you so much for taking a moment out of your busy schedule to talk to us. …

Our next interview is with a very, very special guest, making his first ever American appearance, and first appearance on any continent in more than two-hundred twenty-two years. None other than the Master Composer himself, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

“Guten Abend Herr Erzaehler.”

Maestro Mozart, I’m sure there are many different questions this audience would like to ask you. But as it turns out, you weren’t buried in an unmarked grave. That was a story you told so that you could freeze yourself cryogenically with instructions to be thawed during an era when nobody remembers your music.

“Ja, richtig.”

Well Herr Mozart, we’ll leave aside the logical inconsistencies because I know that you have tickets for a Dan Deacon show later tonight. So of all the questions I could ask you, I’m sure that there’s one which people would most want me to ask, and that is how you became so inspired to write such amazing music. Where did your inspiration come from?

“Ja ja. Sehr schnell. Zer ver many verry influential forces in my life. But, ze very greatest inspiration I alvays had vas from, definitely, ze large-breasted vomen.” (walks off)

Insightful commentary from the master himself. I’ve gotten the signal that we’re ready to begin again. We begin our in the Count’s chambers.

(Enter Susanna, piano plays Rondo alla Turca)

The Count is sitting alone and as always, his victories over life bring this dangerous rake no happiness. He may have triumphed over Figaro, but he has no idea how he did, and like the rest of us, he’s very, very confused. But in comes Susanna, and she is utterly despondent - on the verge of her would-be husband being trapped by a loveless marriage to someone else. Is she willing to do anything to ensure that she can marry Figaro?

(Count sitting at desk with table stage right. He should be holding the smelling salts all through the duet. Susanna standing on the other side of the desk. Basilio is hiding in the back.)

“Crudel! Perché finora farmi languir così?”  Count says this with head in his hands...

“Perché crudel farmi languir così?”  look up at Susanna with look of desperate longing.

“Signor, la donna ognora tempo ha dir di sì.” lean over the table towards the Count.

Count bolts up out of his seat. Susanna draws back. “Dunque, in giardin verrai?”

“Se piace a voi, verrò.” Said from a safe distance.

“E non mi mancherai?” Said as though he can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“No, non vi mancherò.” Still distant.

“Verrai, si, non mancherai, no, non mancherai, no no verro.”  He bends halfway across the table to get closer to Susanna.

“No, non vi mancherò.” She bends halfway over and kisses him on the lips.

“Mi sento dal contento, pieno di gioia il cor.” Go to the front of the stage and say it as though you’re overjoyed and in love.

Double over as though you’re about to vomit. “Scusatemi se mento, voi che intendete amor.” Walk to the side of the stage with revulsion in your eyes.

The repetition of non mancheri, non vi manchero is done in an embrace, looking at each other in the eyes. The Count drawing closer every time he hears the answer he wants and bolting backward when he hears the answer he doesn’t.

The Count breaks away to talk about how happy he is. Whenever he does, Susanna lurches backward out of disgust.

At the end of the aria, the Count goes up to her and full on kisses her. The rest of the recitative goes on mid-makeout. Until…

“(È mia senz'altro.)” Said while facing the audience. Then go back to seat at desk.

Susanna runs as away as quickly as possible. “(Forbitevi la bocca, oh signor scaltro.)” is said from offstage in the audience, as is the next exchange. Basilio overhears it while having a drink at the bar, and then goes up to the stage.

Count is sitting at his desk… It should have lots of (unbreakable) trinkets, including a dagger. Basilio comes up to him and whispers in his ear…

“Hai gia vinta la causa!?” Look incredibly surprised…

“Cosa Sento?” Count gets up from his desk...

“In qual laccio io cadea?” Count puts his hand(s) to his face…

Perfidi!” Knocks over everything on the table…. (preferable if the word is shouted rather than spoken)

(Figaro, Susanna, and Antonio rush in)

“Io Voglio” Points his fingers at audience and shakes his fist…

Di tal modo punirvi” Turns and points to Figaro…

“A piacer mio la sentenza sarà” Maniacal look on the Count’s face, as though he’s getting off on his own anger. (find appropriate vocal color to go with it, possibly a whisper)...

“Ma s'ei pagasse la vecchia pretendente?” Sits back down at his desk. Puts hand to his head… Figaro and Susanna go over to clean up the mess the Count just made. No matter where anything else is placed, the dagger has to go to the far side of the desk.

“Pagarla!? In qual maniera!?” Says while laughing…

“E poi v'è Antonio, che a un incognito Figaro ricusa, di dare una nipote in matrimonio.” Gets up, walks around.

“Tutto giova a un raggiro!...” Stands over Figaro. Figaro ignores him.

“il colpo è fatto.” Shouts over Figaro again, this time with his hands cupped, Figaro still ignores him.

(goes into the aria… while Figaro is cleaning up, the Count kicks him in the ribs until Figaro is lying flat on his back. The Count puts his shoe over Figaro’s neck.)

“Vedrò mentre io sospiro, felice un servo mio!?” Looks down at Figaro while he says it...

“E un ben ch'invan desio,..” Looks over at Susanna with tenderness, his voice softens...

“ei posseder dovrà?” Hardens into anger again and looks at Figaro…

“Vedrò per man d'amore, unita a un vile oggetto, chi in me destò un affetto, che per me poi non ha?” Looks out to the audience, as though to reason with them.

“Vedrò mentre io sospiro, felice un servo mio!” Count walks over to Susanna, who’s still bent down over the mess to avoid trouble…. Figaro gets up...

“E un ben ch'invan desio, ei posseder dovrà?” Gestures at Susanna to Figaro…

“Vedrò per man d'amore,” Count gets on his knees next to Susanna…

“unita a un vile oggetto,” Count extends his hands to Susanna…

“chi in me destò un affetto, che per me poi non ha? che per me poi non ha?” They stand like this for both iterations of “che per me poi non ha?”...

“Vedro? Vedro? Vedro? Vedro?” The Count gets up and Susanna gets up with him. Still holding hands…

“Ah no, lasciarti in pace, non vo' questo contento!” Count grabs Susanna’s hair and drags her to the farthest corner of his desk. Figaro and Antonio start moving in...

“tu non nascesti, audace,” Reaches for the dagger…

“tu non nascesti, audace,” produces it... Figaro and Antonio start moving back… Basilio looks on, stunned.

“per dare a me tormento, e forse ancor per ridere di mia infelicità.” puts the dagger to Susanna’s neck, backs her into the corner of the room….

“Già la speranza sola, delle vendette mie, quest'anima consola, e giubilar mi fa.” Starts pointing the dagger at all the other people in the room...

Già la speranza sola, delle vendette mie,” his dagger arm moves around Susanna’s neck…

“quest'anima consola, e giubilar mi fa.” Count reaches behind Susanna and puts his hand into her private areas. Susanna should visibly and audibly be in pain. This should continue for the duration of the Count’s singing.

At the end of the aria, the Count reaches into his pocket and produces large coins which he throws at Susanna. He then smells his hand ostentatiously while looking at Figaro, and storms out.

(Second Narration. Figaro and Susanna are frozen in their positions)

As we told you before, this is a day of madness. But it would be foolish to pretend that the madness of this place is purely of a comic, delightful nature. This is the world of Mozart, and within the blink of an eye joy can become agony and agony joy. The extent of violence in a theatrical production is always a difficult question, and not one to be taken be considered lightly. But once it is determined that a place or person is violent, it would be naive in this, among the most sex-obsessed of all operas, to pretend this violence does not extend to the sexually so. Was it the right choice? That is ultimately yours to determine.

But what cannot be denied is that the character of Susanna is, from the balls of her feet to the top of her head, a pillar of towering moral strength. Of all Mozart’s women, she is the greatest because she bears every indignity, every slight, every sufferance, with her indomitable fortitude, wit, and moral strength. (Susanna pantomimes what follows) It won’t be long before a character like Susanna realizes that the money which the Count threw at her like a whore is enough to pay off his debt to Marcellina. Who’s to say that this is not where Mozart meant the money to come from? Because over and over again, this opera transforms every emotion into its opposite. (Susanna stores the money her in her bra, and exits the room doing a small dance of triumph.)


Don Curzio walks in with the Count, sits at the Count’s desk on which there should be a large stack of books. The Count is standing right behind him. Marcellina and Bartolo are standing on the upstage side of the desk. Figaro is still lying down where the Count beat him. Curzio’s stutter should, of course, be extremely exaggerated. Find a different way to stutter each time, and find a different way to control it. Never should Curzio look up to the audience or anyone in the eye. He should be fundamentally focused on his papers. Once or twice, the Count should hit him on the back to keep him going like a broken TV.

Marcellina makes a motion of an exhaled relief “Io respiro.”

Figaro is lying down and stays lying down through the next exchange. “Ed io moro.”

Marcellina turns to Figaro. “Alfin sposa io sarò d'un uom ch'adoro.”

Figaro gets up and says “Eccellenza m'appello …”

Staying where he is, the Count says understatedly but clearly jubilant: “È giusta la sentenza. O pagar, o sposar, bravo Don Curzio.” Drops another coin on the desk.

Don Curzio pockets the money. “Bontà di sua Eccellenza.”   

Bartolo sidles up to Figaro. “Che superba sentenza!”

Figaro doesn’t look up. “In che superba.”

Bartolo jabs him with the cane. “Siam tutti vendicati …

Figaro doesn’t look up. “Io non la sposerò.”

Bartolo whispers over Figaro. “La sposerai.”  and walks back to Marcellina.

Curzio is completely stoic. “O pagarla, o sposarla.”

Marcellina says from where she’s standing. “Io t'ho prestati due mille pezzi duri.”

Figaro says from where he is. “Son gentiluomo, e senza l'assenso de' miei nobili parenti…”

(everybody else bursts out laughing hysterically, almost collapsing every new piece of information makes them burst out laughing again)

The Count catcalls over the laughter: “Dove sono? Chi sono?”

Figaro is still stoic. “Lasciate ancor cercarli! Dopo dieci anni non spero di trovarli.”

Everybody calls out their questions about what happened to Figaro as insults over the laughter. Which continues until Marcellina starts hearing what he’s saying. The laughter continues through Figaro’s description of the events, which should barely be heard over the din, until he says “questo al mio braccio impresso geroglifico”, on which Figaro points to a spot on his forearm. Which causes Marcellina to step forward, dumbfounded.

When Marcellina starts speaking, everybody quiets down. “Una spatola impressa al braccio destro …”  

For the first time during this scene, Figaro pays attention and is alarmed. “E a voi chi'l disse?”

Marcellina makes the Sign of the Cross, looks up at God. “Oh Dio, è desso …”  She should say this almost as a sob, then break down in a fit of tears.

Figaro makes a confused shrug. “È ver son io.”

Everybody’s confounded. “Chi?”   

She can barely stop crying enough to say,, “Raffaello.”  still crying afterward.

Equally stunned as Marcellina was a moment ago, Bartolo takes a few steps forward to stand next to Figaro. “E i ladri ti rapir …”

Looking at Marcellina but gesturing to Bartolo. “Presso un castello.”

Bartolo puts his shoulder on Figaro and gestures toward Marcellina. “Ecco tua madre.”

Figaro gestures confusedly toward Marcellina. “Balia? …”

“No, tua madre.” Figaro gasps.

The Count and Don Curzio are ‘deer in the headlights’ dumbfounded. “Sua madre?”

Figaro gets up and looks straight at her. “Cosa Sento?”

Bartolo makes a huge gesture which he hopes Marcellina sees through her crying to not identify him as the father. She doesn’t. “Ecco tuo padre.”


Curzio is fidgeting with the papers, reading the agreement.

Figaro goes straight over to Marcellina and gives her a giant bearhug with his head on her shoulder. Marcellina sings Riconosci in questo amplesso una madre” Figaro lift up his head here “amato figlio!”

Figaro turns his head to the back and motions for his father to come into the hug. “Padre mio, fate lo stesso, non mi fate più arrossir.”

Bartolo walks over, kisses Figaro on the forehead (the biblical patriarchal blessing) and hugs Figaro from the other side. The parents should be on either side of Figaro with their heads on his shoulders. “Resistenza la coscienza far non lascia al tuo desir.” They stay in this tableau for a while.

The “Ei suo padre/Son smartito.” exchange is done with Curzio pointing to clauses in the marriage contract.

The Count gets up and tries to leave, drags Don Curzio by the hand with him. Right before he leaves, Susanna stops him at the door and pushes him further and further back into the room by vengefully jabbing her index finger into his chest. He keeps, as best he can while being dumbfounded, trying to point to what’s going on, but she doesn’t understand what he’s pointing to. “Alto, alto, signor Conte,” (holds out the money) “mille doppie son qui pronte,” (on ‘pronte,’ gestures at her crotch) “a pagar vengo per Figaro, ed a porlo in libertà.”

Finally she see’s that he’s pointing, but doesn’t understand what he’s pointing to. She goes to Don Curzio, but he’s equally dumbfounded. She starts going back and forth between the two, trying to understand what their gesture means. “Non sappiam com'è la cosa, osservate un poco là!” Finally, she understands that they’re pointing to a direction, and turns around.

She immediately walks furiously to Figaro to pluck him out of his parents embrace. “Già d'accordo ei colla sposa; giusti Dei, che infedeltà!”

Pulls him out by the arm and drags him across the room. “Lascia iniquo!”

“No, t'arresta! Senti, oh cara! Senti! Senti!” Figaro’s parents slowly come up behind where he now is. Marcellina is the one closer to the audience.

“Senti questa” ‘SLAP!’ (with your left hand on the right side.)

They take Figaro back into their embrace from either side for “È un effetto di buon core, tutto amore è quel che fa.” For this six part counterpoint, Marcellina, Figaro, and Bartolo are bunched in a diagonal line. Curzio is in the other upstage corner, with the Count leaning on the desk, and Susanna perfectly downstage center.

Marcellina kisses Figaro on the cheek where he was slapped. She then goes up to Susanna and takes her hand. Susanna takes it away. She takes it again with both hands and kneels before Susanna. “Lo sdegno calmate, mia cara figliuola, sua madre abbracciate che or vostra sarà.”

Susanna just laughs, looks away, and does a pft before the first “Sua madre”, gradually her look changes from amusement to looking back down at Marcellina with awed amazement. Her hand almost over her mouth for “Tua madre?”

Figaro comes up with Bartolo “E quello è mio padre che a te lo dirà.”

This time with mounting delight. “Sua padre?” Bartolo gives the same patriarchal blessing of a kiss to her that he gave to Figaro.

Figaro puts all three of them into a huddled hug in the middle of the stage. “E quella è mia me che a te lo dirà.” Then he gets into the embrace between Marcellina and Bartolo. In the exact center of the stage, faced inward as much as possible. From stage right to left: Susanna, Marcellina, Figaro, Bartolo. If possible, have them sing inwardly to each other rather than the audience. “Al dolce contento di questo momento, quest'anima appena resister or sa.”

Both the Count and Curzio are behind the desk, dumbfoundedly looking on.

As the music ends,the Count and Curzio storm out. Meanwhile, Bartolo and Marcellina both give Susanna even more money.

(Third Narration)

Welcome to the world of Mozart, where suffering becomes joy in a quarter-second, and joy can become suffering again even faster. Some music lovers love to rail against Mozart for not being as emotionally expressive as later composers, but what they don’t understand is that Mozart’s music exists beyond superficial emotions. A beautiful song by Mozart will sound heartwrenching with a sad text, and utterly joyful if the same song is set to a happy one. Mozart cries through his laughter and smiles through his tears, and e is the soul composer whose music expresses every emotion simultaneously.

And just as agony becomes happiness, perhaps bad people can become good ones. History is littered with examples of good men who suddenly discover an overwhelming capacity for evil, but our personal life-histories are littered with examples of knowing bad seeds which suddenly discover their capacity for good.  None of us could get out of bed in the morning without thinking to ourselves that we might do better today than we did yesterday.  And perhaps now, after so many years of bitterness and rancor, perhaps caused by their lost child, Marcellina and Bartolo finally seem ready to do as much good for others as they were ready to do evil a few moments ago.

(The Narrator straightens the chairs)

But even more than Figaro or Susanna, the character who needs greater goodness around her, who has known so much evil done to her, is the Countess. For her entire life, she seems to have met the evil done to her with forgiveness, and yet has received nothing in return but suffering and a naivete about the greater world which has made her hopeless to navigate it. How wonderful those early days of her marriage must have been, when she had have every reason to believe her nightmare was finally ending, only to see that her nightmare is beginning again. You would idealize such a wonderful time in your life too, and even if he’s made your life a living hell ever since, you’d probably idealize the person responsible for it too.

(Dove Sono - recit and aria)

Enter the Countess with Barberina trailing behind, who's holding the Countess’s baby. Barberina sits in the chair. When the Countess says "Fammi or cercar da una mia serva aita!", Barberina rolls her eyes.

For Dove Sono, the Countess takes the Baby from Barberina and sings to the baby like a lullaby.

When the aria gets to "Ah! se almen la mia costanza,", the Countess immediately, almost absent-mindedly, gives the baby back to Barberina and indicates that she should leave the room. The Countess then moves over to the Count's desk and sings the rest of the aria to the Count's chair. Which she then sits down in at the end of the aria.

(Fourth Narration)

Given the fact that this production has already included an assault on Susanna, perhaps it doesn’t make enough sense that Susanna would still accede to meet the Count as was previously planned. But Susanna is far too shrewd and unassailable to miss such a crucial appointment, no matter how deserving of contempt the person the appointment is with. And the Count is such a monster of ego that he probably believes Susanna is more attracted to him because he asserted his dominance over her so brazenly. All Susanna and the Countess need to do is write a brief letter to assure the Count that the appointment is still on, and the Count will believe anything they tell him.

(Canzonetta Sull’aria - with a bit of recit)

Susanna enters to find the Countess sitting at the desk, the Countess points to the writing implements on the desk and says ‘Scribi’, Susanna gets the quill (should be a feather, and dipped in what looks like an inkwell) and paper.

The Countess is suddenly aware of the orchestra, and right before the Countess says 'Canzonetta Sull'aria', she points to the pianist and comes downstage. Sits on the floor, as though she’s lounging on a meadow. Susanna eases down herself into the pit, where she proceeds to writes next to the keyboard. After she goes down into the pit, she says ‘Sull’aria.’

The Countess says everything here in a daydream. Susanna looks like she’s concentrating very hard. Looks up at the Countess to make sure she gets every word, then down at the page. Then looks at the pianist to make sure that she has ‘Zeffiretto’ correct, the pianist nods affirmatively.

Susanna writes down the next phrase, then looks up, and smiles out towards the audience as though she’s savoring the phrase Questa sera spirerà.”

The Countess gets up and walks around the stage in reverie, and it makes it difficult for Susanna to hear. She leans in as though she’s trying to catch every word of ‘Sotto i pini del boschetto.’

She gestures to the pianist as though she needs to know what’s being said, the pianist shrugs. Susanna flags the Countess’s attention. The Countess is still off in reverie after acknowledging Susanna for a moment. Susanna catches the first half ‘Sotto il pini...’ can’t figure out what the second half was, then has an ‘a-ha!’ moment. ‘del boschetto.’

The Countess comes over to the pit, gives Susanna the hand, and helps Susanna out of the pit as she says “Ei già il resto capirà.” Susanna repeats affirmatively. They both then read over the document together and sing it again.

The Countess now takes the document from Susanna, and motions for Susanna to start singing it, as though she needs to commit it to memory. They take turns singing. When they get to the final apotheosis, the Countess takes Susanna’s hand, then both hands, then they merge in a hug. Then come out of the hug, and at the end, they giggle like schoolgirls at the ridiculousness of their prank.  

(Fifth Narration)

And there we have it. The MacGuffin of The Marriage of Figaro’s closing chapters - the letter which will enable Susanna’s marriage to Figaro, bind the Count and Countess closer together, and establish Susanna on equal footing in her marriage to Figaro. Sealed with a pin that the opera gives far too large a role for its importance.

And now, let’s show you a bit of Act IV within Act III. Why? Because we can.

Barberina chases Cherubino onstage. They do the Addio bel paggio recit while making out and Cherubino doing his ‘bashful’ thing again…

(Sixth Narration)

Y’know, Cherubino really is some of the best evidence in the world that some men are just born with game. What the hell do all those women see in him anyway? Anyway, now we get to fast forward through the chorus of the flower girls and watching an entire chorus marvel over how amazing Cherubino looks as a woman. Maybe that’s because Cherubino is a woman in fact, but I digress.

Anyway, I’m not the only character in this opera who wants to fast forward. It’s time for the wedding. …. (wait five seconds…) I SAID IT’S TIME FOR THE WEDDING!!!

Ecco la marcia + recit.

Everybody runs onto the stage from the wings. Figaro and the Count are at the front of the swarm, behind them are a second line of the Countess, Susanna, and Marcellina, behind them are Bartolo and Basilio, followed by Cherubino and Barberina, Cherubino is dressed again as a woman. Figaro is gesticulating at the Count “Signor ... se trattenete tutte queste ragazze, addio feste ... addio danza …”

The Count says sneeringly “E che, vorresti ballar col pié stravolto?”

Figaro dances a jig “Eh, non mi duol più molto.” Claps to Susanna and the Countess and Marcellina. “Andiam, belle fanciulle.”

The Countess whispers to Susanna: “Come si caverà dall'imbarazzo?” to which Susanna whispers: “Lasciate fare a lui.”

The Count continues to sneer, trying to rile Figaro. “Per buona sorte Andiamo dunque, andiamo.”
Figaro ignores him, “Senza fallo.” Turns and shouts to everybody “Andiamo dunque, andiamo.”        

Antonio comes up to Figaro to say “E intanto a cavallo di galoppo a Siviglia andava il paggio.”  

Figaro ushers his father into the correct place. “Di galoppo, o di passo buon viaggio. Venite, oh belle giovani.”

Antonio grabs Cherubino by the ear. “Ed ecco chi pretende che sia un bugiardo il mio signor nipote.”

Figaro demands of the Count as though he’s asking why Cherubino’s being manhandled. “Che diamin canta?”

The Count says with extreme smugness. “Non canta, no, ma dice ch'egli saltò stamane sui garofani ..”

Figaro is one step ahead, answers with nothing but good humor. “Ei lo dice! Sarà ... se ho saltato si può dare ch'anch'esso abbia fatto lo stesso.” Antonio immediately throws up his hands and storms of the stage as quickly as possible so he can change into his Bartolo costume.

The Count is upset. “Anch'esso?”

Figaro answers, playfully hits the Count’s cheek with extreme condescension, knowing that this is his moment of true victory: “Perché no? Io non impugno mai quel che non so.”

As Figaro says the next part, he moves the two seats to the back of the stage. Where the Count and the Countess will sit. “Ecco la marcia, andiamo; ai vostri posti, oh belle, ai vostri posti.”  He then offers Susanna his arm.  “Susanna, dammi il braccio.”

Everybody leaves the stage but the Count and Countess. The Count and Countess never look at each other for the next exchange, and both have looks on their faces that show them made of ice.
Third Act: Final Narration

(Pantomime: The two married couples come onto to the stage. The Count stands and talks for a few seconds with a Bible in his hands. He then shuts the book with a thud, Figaro kisses Susanna, Bartolo kisses Marcellina. They then begin to dance a minuet. Bartolo/Marcellina, Figaro/Susanna, Count/Countess, Cherubino/Barberina, Basilio and/or Curzio start(s) handing out drinks to the audience)
Narrator (as this is going on): Steadfast lovers, companions of honour, let us sing the praises of a lord so wise. He cedes a privilege which wrongs like the odor of a rotten fish, and delivers you as pure as a newly hatched baby chick to your lovers’ arms.

And now, let us dance.

(Pantomime: Right to left, Susanna comes face to face with the Count, and right before they join hands, she takes the letter out of her bra/bustier. During the bow, the Count puts it in his pocket. Figaro sees the whole thing with a look of shock on his face.)

Narrator (as this is going on): And what’s this? Susanna has given the Count the letter. And oh my god, Figaro’s noticed…

Well, in any event, let’s all drink some Champagne. The Count’s paying for it.

Pantomime: (Two by two, the couples leave, and go into the audience to hand out champagne.)

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