Caesar Augustus: Now see here Coponius, here is the ultimate evidence we take this matter of the gravest seriousness. You know your counterpart in Syria, Publius Sulpicius Quirinius, and he's sailed all the way to Rome. You'll sail back together and Quirinius will tell you everything you conceivably need to know.
Coponius: Thank you Caesar.
Caesar: You know my wife, Livia, from whom I hide no matter of state.
Coponius: Of course, Domina.
Livia: I wish you all the very best of luck in that impossible province. May you succeed where everyone else fails.
Caesar: Now now Matronia, we don't want to prejudice our worthy appointee toward failure. Coponius my confidence in you is infinitum.
Coponius: Thank you Caesar.
Caesar: And this man, of course, needs no introduction. My new adopted son, Tiberius.
Coponius: I was so sorry to hear of the loss of your grandchildren Caesar.
Caesar: And you may not know him by sight but all Rome knows the reputation of Gaius Cilnius Maecenus.
Coponius: Of course. It is an honor
Caesar: Yes, well, all of us sacrifice for Rome don't we? They were good boys and would have been fine Emperors.
(pause)
Coponius: Yes, Caesar.
Caesar: Fortunately, this one is here to pick up the affairs of state while we wait for young Postumus over there to mature into the head of state we know he can be.
(Gestures at Marcus Agrippa Postumus playing with two dogs in the corner of the office. Empress Livia scowls.)
Coponius: Yes, Caesar.
Caesar: And you may not know him by face, but all Rome knows Gaius Cilnius Maecenus by reputation.
Coponius: Of course. Magister, it is an honor.
Maecenus: Yes I'm sure it is.
Caesar: And Tiberius, no mere focaccia today, correct?
Tiberius: No, Caesar. (Livia looks at him sharply, Tiberius clicks heels and bows) a six-course meal including roast peacock, flamingo tongue, sow's womb and stuffed doormice.
Caesar: Ah yes, I do love stuffed doormice but can you go to the kitchen and make sure they're serving Patina de Pisciculis? If I'm not mistaken that's known as your favorite dish, is it not Coponius?
Coponius: I'm sure whatever Caesar serves us cannot help but be delicious.
Caesar: Nonsense, you're our hero setting off to the privations of the East, you must leave us with the taste of Rome in you!
Coponius: Thank you Caesar.
Caesar: Jacobus!
Flavius Jacobus: Yes, Caesar.
Caesar: Can you please tell the valet on the other side of the hall that we're ready to be served?
Jacobus: With pleasure Caesar.
Caesar: Yes. Hurry please, you still have to give your briefing.
Jacobus: Of course, Caesar (bows).
Caesar: (waits a moment) Now that he's off, let me tell you to mind what he says. He's very clever that Jacobus but he's bound to tell us things that are half-truths.
Coponius: So he's a liar?
Caesar: Not exactly. He tells things that are true without being entirely true. That's what I find so clever about these Jews. They're always called liars, but I've never caught one directly in a lie. They merely omit from the truth what they don't wish you to know.
Coponius: (misses the moment when Caesar thinks he should answer, then he snaps to) Astonishing, Caesar!
Caesar: Your job is to study them.
Coponius: To know what they're omitting?
Caesar: Yes, but also to emulate them! There is more utility in their way of telling the truth than a million Roman lies.
Coponius: Truly fascinating, Caesar.
Caesar: Here he comes. Pay close mind to what he says, if you read between his words, you will be overwhelmed with his cleverness.
(The text cuts off here. Presumably the disappeared segment is Flavius Jacobus's presentation upon the state of Judea, in both senses, and what is required for its maintenance. - Dr. Richard Westenbach, Free University of Berlin, 1954)
Jacobus: Therefore my recommendation is for a census that will account for every citizen of Judea who then can be watched vigilantly, and as, again, the middle class is mostly pharisee, a tax rate of one third on all middle class households: merchants, guildmen, scribes, landowners, large commercial farmers. These are the people most likely to donate to revolutionary causes, and therefore we have to deplete their income base.
Caesar: (claps) Splendid! Absolutely magnificent! Coponius, Postumus, I hope you were taking great care to hear everything he said.
Coponius: Yes, Caesar.
Caesar: I particularly liked what he had to say abo(ut)....
(The text cuts off here yet again)
Caesar: So we simply can't impose a census on the Jews without imposing it on the whole Empire. We don't want to seem antisemitic after all Maecenus.
Maecenus: Indeed Caesar, who could doubt that?
Caesar: I understand your concern that the census might set off rebellions all throughout the empire but it would be a wonderful chance to flex the full might of those legions you seem so eager to demonstrate at the first sign of any rebellion at all.
Maecenus: I apologize again for that Caesar.
Caesar: No, perhaps you're right. Perhaps this empire needs some rebellions to show what happens when you cross the justice of Rome.
Livia: Pardon me, Caesar mea amor?
Caesar: Yes, amor of my life?
Livia: Isn't the whole point of having this magnificent army that we never have to use it?
Maecenus: Forgive me Domina, but what is the point of that?
Livia: Isn't the power of our army implied? Don't our subjects look on its mighty brutality and think there but for the grace of Mars go I?
Caesar: Yes, but not enough.
Livia: What is enough, then?
Caesar: Dearest Domina, we occasionally have to show that we're willing to use this army.
Livia: Use it? Once we use it we will never stop using it!
Tiberius: What in Hera's name do you mean, Mother?
Livia: Just this: fear is a motivator that can be conquered. Rage is never conquered, and the more subjects we murder the more rage we inspire, the more we'll have to kill again and the more rage we'll again provoke.
Caesar: I'm sorry I brought this up. Let's go back to taxes. We'll at least have to impose a tax on all Judea, we can't simply tax the middle class without taxing the wealthy.
Livia: Why not?
Caesar: What sort of idiot robs the coiffeurs of the people who work and preserves the indolent rich? We have enough of those in Rome.
Livia: So you would tax the wealthy class who's loyal to you and turn a class of layabouts with nothing to do into revolutionaries?
Caesar: Oh by Jove, Livia they're Judeans, even the wastrels are more sensible than that.
Livia: When has a subject been sensible in this entire Empire? All this time and wasted effort in Judea and you're still determined to make Judea your light unto the empire!
Caesar: That's not true Domina.
Livia: Why do you love the Jews so?
Caesar: Divine Julius loved the Jews and they bankrolled his ascendance.
Livia: We already have their money! They wouldn't dare not cross us now. Jacobus you wouldn't dare cross us, would you?
Jacobus: Never, Domina.
Coponius: HE'S LYING!
(everybody freezes and stays quiet)
Caesar: Go on?...
(awkward pause)
Coponius: Forgive me Domina, I didn't mean to interrupt you.
Caesar: Very well. No Jacobus, you're not lying, and yet if a new coming man arose, not from the Julio-Claudians, would you be so resolute?
Jacobus: Surely there's no coming man other than in this room (gestures to Tiberius and Postumus).
Caesar: You see? He knows exactly what to say in all situations!
Livia: And you're telling us all Jews are that skilled?
Caesar: We won't know unless we have records of them.
Livia: Then why aren't getting a census only of the Jews and WHY OF THE ENTIRE EMPIRE?
(text cuts off here)
