Figaro comes on stage wearing Susanna’s bridal hat and holding a kazoo.
(sings into the kazoo along with the orchestra)
“Signori, di fuori son già i suonatori.” (kazoo again) “Le trombe sentite,” (kazoo again) “i pifferi udite, tra canti, tra balli de' nostri vassalli” Takes Susanna’s hands and skips around the room. “corriamo, voliamo le nozze a compir. corriamo, voliamo le nozze a compir.”
The Count and Countess are making out. At some point through this, the Count hesitates, stops paying attention to the Countess, and turns around.
“Pian piano, men fretta;” The Countess holds up her hands and rolls her eyes.
Figaro and Susanna are still dancing. “La turba m'aspetta.”
Catches up to them and stops their dancing. Figaro and Susanna should be right near the Countess by then. “Pian piano, men fretta. Un dubbio toglietemi in pria di partir.”
All three look at each other. “La cosa è scabrosa; com 'ha da finir!” Meanwhile, the Count is taking the letter out of his pocket, and putting on his reading glasses.
“Conoscete, signor Figaro, questo foglio chi vergò?“ Shows the letter to Figaro. Figaro looks at the letter. Then takes the Count’s glasses and puts them on himself.
Susanna and the Countess make motions with their hands as though to say “You know which letter…nol conosci?!”
Figaro doesn't see their motions. Then wags his finger: “No no no!” Chops his hands through the air “Oibo! Oibo!”
Susanna and the Countess are whispering a conspiracy to themselves. The Count takes the glasses off Figaro, puts them on himself. Then looks Figaro dead in the eye while he says - “Cerchi invan difesa e scusa, il tuo ceffo già t'accusa, vedo ben che vuoi mentir.”
Figaro stands perfectly still, not even looking at the Count, with a smile on his face: “Mente il ceffo, io già non mento.”
The Countess and Susanna start sidling up to Figaro from either side, as though they want to fool the Count into thinking they’re trying to fool him….
Do an exaggerated double stage whisper to Figaro “Il talento aguzzi invano palesato abbiam l'arcano, non v'è nulla da ridir.”
The Count is getting angrier. Pacing about. Figaro is perfectly still for the “Che rispondi, niente niente” exchange.
Susanna and the Countess nudge him from either side “Eh via, chetati, balordo, la burletta ha da finir.”
Without missing a beat, Figaro has an 'aha' moment, and gives the hat to the Count so he can ostensibly place it on Susanna's head. “Per finirla lietamente e all'usanza teatrale un'azion matrimoniale le faremo ora seguir.”
“Deh signor, nol contrastate, consolate i lor/miei desir.”
First time through, Figaro and Susanna are on their knees, the Countess stands over them like a parent.
Second time through, the Countess is on her knees with them and folds her arms as in prayer. All three of them make a sign of the cross over themselves. It is both a request of the Count and a prayer to God.