Monday, May 29, 2023

The Beecham Carmen

I've gone back and forth 100 times on whether the greatest Carmen is Andre Cluytens with Solange Michel and a dozen other forgotten French singers at the Opera Comique, or the extremely well-rated Thomas Beecham in his final phase at Paris Radio with the extremely well-rated Victoria de los Angelos as Carmen and the impossible to overrate Nicolai Gedda.
Beecham was never so 'well-behaved' as he was in his final few years when stereo captured him. A New York Carmen from fifteen years earlier finds him sounding much more in the Opera Comique tradition that makes Carmen sound halfway to a vaudeville show. And that's perfectly appropriate: Carmen is as much vaudeville as Wagner.
I love Carmen. I love the trashy, poppy, elements in it just as much as I love the high sublimity, and the two stand next to each other with shameless pride.
It is one of those delicious little ironies that just as Wagner was putting the finishing touches on his grand metaphysical summation of the (his) world: Gotterdammerung, Bizet was writing a piece that exists as a giant middle finger to everything Wagner stood for. I don't doubt Wagner meant for the Ring Cycle to supercede all other operas, but the Ring is always talked about but rarely played, Carmen is always played but rarely talked about. It was Carmen which superceded all other operas as Wagner meant to.
Within two years, even Wagner would bow down before the power of an opera by a recently deceased unknown from France, better known by those who knew him at all as a pianist and with rumors of murder surrounding his death. Had Bizet lived a year longer, he'd have lived to see himself the toast of Europe. Had he lived ten years longer, we may have had many more works in the mature style he discovered in Carmen and we would be talking of him in the same breath as Mozart and Beethoven.
Bizet is one of the most tragic losses in the history of music: because beginning with Carmen, music breathes a different air, dances to a different time, and sings to a different tune. By 1878, the world had found a new god that would gradually replace Beethoven's self-expression as the goal of music - a god that would eventually lead the world away from classical music into the world of popular culture.
Pleasure was our new god, and Carmen was its prophetess. Don Jose is not simply seduced by Carmen, he is seduced by the entire world she conjures for him: a lurid, underground imagining of gypsy animality which seems to promise the fulfillment of every desire, and when that fulfillment proves impossible, Carmen chooses death rather than compromise on her ideal of what pleasure entails. At the beginning of the opera, we view everything through Don Jose's eyes. But the brilliance of the second half is that we've been so completely seduced by the first that we see the unfolding tragedy through the eyes of Carmen. Like Don Jose, we listeners begin by being seduced by everything we see and hear, so much so that like Carmen we would rather choose death than give up what we've discovered. It is a far more convincing reason for death than anything in Tristan und Isolde.
Carmen is not about sex, it's about longing. To be sure, sex is a hugely important part of that equation, but both Carmen and Eros are far larger than sex. What Carmen awakens in us is something far more disturbing and liberating even than pleasure: it's the realization that there may not be a self to express, nor even any need for a self. We may not be more than electro-chemical-neuro-physiological bundles of nerves only capable of feeling pleasure and pain as any other animal does. As with all other notions, it may or may not be true. But if it is true, then perhaps we needn't aspire to be any more than that. Is that notion destructive, or is it liberating? This is the question at the center of Carmen.
And what is the question at the center of Carmen the character? Do we ever really know? Does she know?
Does Carmen find any true happiness in pleasure? Her love of free love often seems like a cover for existential dread, perhaps even a willful seeking of oblivion. Does she truly love 'loving and leaving' as she claims, or is she simply pathological in her seeking of an erotic ideal? Unlike her male equivalent, Don Giovanni, there is not a perfect narcissism at work behind her machinations. Rather, Carmen seems to suffer from something like borderline personality disorder. Moment to moment, she seems able convince herself tht either side of a bifurcated reality is true. I forget how long she waits for Don Jose, but it's a while, and within five minutes of his return, wearies of him as though she had not spent the last year or so thinking of Don Jose as her masculine ideal.
Don Jose is similarly ambiguous. Why does he relinquish such an ideal domestic life for Carmen? Is it simply sex? Perhaps 19th century Europe was less jaded than I give them credit for, but every town in Europe had dozens of local cowmilkers like Micaela who behind the innocent facade knew everything there was to know about sex. No, it was not sex Jose left Micaela for, but precisely because sex with Micaela would have been something clean and blissful, free from shame. Micaela may know what there is to know about sex, but about shame she is blissfuly naive, whereas Carmen clearly knows what there is to know about shame, and as a soldier, so does Don Jose. Today, we would probably call Carmen and Don Jose trauma victims who can only bond with other victims, and who replay their initial traumas: one of seduction and abandonment, the other of murderous obsession.
And similar to the infinite ways of interpreting Carmen dramaturgically, there are 100 ways of interpreting Carmen musically: as Mahlerian intermingling of sublimity and trash where the tempi are always shifting and every line is interpreted for maximum meaning (Pretre, Fricsay, Maag), as Wagnerian grand opera with huge orchestra and voices (Karajan and Reiner), as as vaudevillian opera comique with small voices and fast tempi (Cluytens and Plasson), as expressionist fraying of the nerves where every moment is played for maximum excitement (Mitropoulos and Kleiber). And then there's Bernstein, which is just... well it's absolutely bonkers.
Obviously, the closest to authentic is the Opera Comique way. Bizet saw his work as an Opera Comique, but there's a fairly obvious problem:
When Bizet first presented it to Paris's Opera Comique, they hated Carmen. They thought it was utterly wrong for them: too dark, too high-fallutin', not enough tunes (can you imagine?). They clearly knew that Opera Comique is not what Carmen is - or rather, Carmen is many things Opera Comique is not.
At its heart, Carmen is no more a mere 'show', it is an artistic work of the highest, profoundest, most all-embracing reach, and reaches to the heavens from a foundation of populist trash. Its only true operatic precedent is Mozart, and like Figaro, Carmen is ultimately perfect: every note and chord, every dynamic indication. It is so sturdily built that you can disobey them all and still make a great performance, but the foundation of Bizet's score is right in front of everybody, and for all the questions of recitatives and transitions, everybody who's ever gone to an opera knows the big moments. Bizet's indications on them are crystal clear, and they cannot be improved upon.
So far as I know, there are three conductors who, by and large, make their singers follow the tempos and dynamics, and scrub it relatively clean of any personalized inflection: Beecham, Abbado, and Solti (better live with the late Grace Bumbry than in the studio with Troyanos). There are plenty of other great recordings (otherwise, Cluytens at the Opera Comique will always be my favorite - along with Fricsay in German), but if you want to hear Carmen at the root level of those pathological questions, metaphysical questions, it's the score that leads you there. The passions are not worn on the sleeve. Neither the fun nor the tragedy is overemphasized, they are, rather, held in complete classical balance so that you never forget either one or the other. The international stars ensure that nothing is too local, and yet the immaculately pungent diction of the supporting cast and chorus is something you can't get in those later recordings, nor can you get an authentic French orchestra elsewhere in recorded sound this vivid.
There are sui generis interpretations, Callas in the title role, Franco Corelli as Don Jose, the direction of Franco Zeffereli or the conducting of Leonard Bernstein (seriously, it's weird...), but all of those interpretations cause us to forget the most obvious fact of all about Carmen. Carmen itself is sui generis, and one of those very few works that needs no help at all from any musician.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQSSE6Ob2E4


Sunday, May 28, 2023

Well... I look great....

 

I'm not gonna lie, I look amazing right now. I'm still 5'4 1/2 but last week the doctor's office's heavy scale pronounced me a svelte and sexy 178 - the thinnest I've been since freshman year of college. I can stick two fists in my pants and have room for a third. I expect I'll lose at least ten pounds more with little trouble. I've shaved my head, my beard is neatly trimmed and just beginning to grey in a way that doesn't look like rust. All I need is to go legally blind so I can get a thick pair of glasses and I'll look the way I've always wanted to look. I've always looked much older than my age and I now look the youngest I've looked in more than twenty years. No amount of gym workouts or cycling has done for me what's done lately. I currently have the sex appeal of a young Richard Dreyfuss..
I look amazing when my stomach doesn't swell to more than twice the size of my torso, which causes my extremities to go numb along with the sides of my face, or when I feel like my lungs are drawing barely 15% of my breathing capacity. There are times I've felt as though my ribs are about to break. And all throughout, the same aerophagic burping I've had for ten years, which, let me tell you, makes dating an absolute wonder. And the same brainfog that makes me forget what I'm saying or typing mid-sentence, which makes it a wonder to me I can do these 'essays.' Obviously, there are days on which I barely eat, and this exhibitionist shall spare you, dear voyeur, the wondrous details of his bathroom excursions.
It all began around late October. Too much sushi became constricted breathing, which became choking and vomiting, which became a heart rate gone haywire, which became five-and-a-half hours waiting in the emergency room at Sinai Hospital while three patients were brought in with bullet wounds. As I was finally brought back into the room to be tested I could hear the crying families. For physical reasons I immediately moved back 'home' so that I would be away from the mammon of city life and the infinite temptations of its gastronomy. I had long since given up garlic and onion, and have put off the inevitable relinquishing of chocolate and coffee for years past the date when I should.
I'd like to think it can all be ascribed to an antipsychotic I've been on since 2007 in which ravenousness is a known side effect. During one period when the dosage increased beyond a minimal amount, I gained thirty pounds in three months. But the truth is that this ravenousness has been with me my entire adult life. After three years at a boarding school that used as many as three hours a day of physical exercise as a deliberate form of torture, my 135 pound frame swore that no one could ever make me exercise again. For many years I hewed all too closely to that fulfilling that promise, and by late 2007 was 100 pounds heavier than I was seven years previous. My whole twenties often felt like a court I held at table. And while friends watched me eat I'd try to make everything into a bullshit session in a manner crossed between Falstaff and Don Rickles as people would listen to (or put up with) me as I extemporized on all manner of subjects on which I set myself up as an expert as only a quarter-read kid in his 20s could, and I would try well into the wee hours to be the ultimate wit at events I tried to make into feasts of wit - freely baiting other people into making fun of me so I could have an excuse to lay into their weaknesses as maliciously as I could to the amusement of everybody else - usually trying to spew my witticisms out as I was chewing the fourth empanada or third falafel. I tried to tell myself I didn't care that I was too prickly to be loved: I had a lot of anger, and I did not eat food, food ate me.
No sickness is more explicable or deserved than this one. I treated my body as a vessel, not for me but what went through me, and even as I look younger than I did fifteen years ago, I'm living a middle age with ailments that are usually incurred by the elderly. And yet few sicknesses have been harder to diagnose, and few sicknesses have been more ignored by doctors - even from within the august apathy of US medicine.
For decades, my uncle was rated the #1 GI in Baltimore; but of course, I had the great luck of developing these symptoms just as he stopped seeing new patients. I have since then been to four GIs, and the only one who took these symptoms at all seriously was, of course, the nurse-practitioner. But my primary care doctor said that he had the perfect GI for me, and sent me to yet another doctor who didn't give the two shits I can't process without a battery of drugs in forms solid, liquid, and gas...
For my sleep, neurological, and pulmonary issues I went to a sleep pulmonologist who will remain nameless, but who prescribed a sleep study for every small change in my regimen. By the time she said I need sleep study #4, I began to realize that this was not about my sleep... I tried to change doctors, but the department told me that once I had a doctor, it was absolutely forbidden to see a different one. Willing myself to get a new sleep pulmonologist took five years. The moment I saw him and told him what I experienced, the nurse said "That was really unnecessary."
My GP was very good for a while, but now he has so many patients that I have to book checkups with him more than a year in advance. When I had my latest emergency, it was to a doctor I'd never met I went who took one look at me and said 'Man, you're goin' through something rough...'
He sent me for a gastric emptying exam. It was a four hour exam I had to get at eight in the morning and drive to White Marsh without any coffee, and it was the only one available at any radiology center before mid to late June. They said it would be one to three days for the results to come back, it's been two weeks and I await their call back when the Memorial Day weekend is finished. I can't deny, I suspect they lost the exam and now I'll have to wait for July to get it again.
On my birthday weekend, I caved and had a very few drinks, along with a vegetable at my birthday dinner that clearly had garlic even though the waitress and cook swore up and down that it didn't. I was so fed up that I just ate it anyway. Two nights later I was about to go to a friend's house for some garden variety hangoutage, and in the shower I coughed up a slight bit of blood. It happens once every three years or so, then never happens again.
So to their house I went. All it took was two tokes of weed, and I was belching so out of control that I had to go back to the emergency room. My heart-rate was 155, my esophagus felt the size of the Meyerhoff, I almost passed out, and whether it was the weed or a metaphysical experience, I had to fight against my entire line of sight turning white. I was literally burping at the top of my lungs and could hear a male nurse making fun of me to the janitors right outside my room in the ER. I had, what I hope was, a weedy hallucination of a former friend in the doorway, just about the last person I want to see me in this state, to which I shouted "You gotta be shitting me!?" I was told that while I did not have a heart attack, it was roughly 50/50 that I would pass out. I could hear the heart machine beeping the whole time in deafening overdrive. What followed was a surreal 24 hours during which I almost passed out from an anti-gas medicine, I had to keep walking virtually the whole day to stop myself from feeling like I was about to faint, and my diet forbade any food the hospital brought me. I practically fell in love with my gorgeous and very helpful nurse before she pegged me with an enema (that didn't work for two days). When I saw my GI two days later and told him about the weed, I could see in his eyes that the prick was silently laughing behind the mask. Such is American healthcare. I'm a lightweight on weed, but I'm not THAT much of a lightweight. This was no freakout or panic attack, this was the closest I want to come to death for the next fifty years.
I've already tested negative for Celiac's, Collitis, and Hashimoto's, who knows what this is but whatever it is, it's very real, I don't give a shit how little doctors give a shit, I will find answers here even if they couldn't care less to find them.
I see a dietician over Zoom, an extremely smart young lady who knows her subject better than I know music, but who is very traditional in her outlook and hews exactly to the research until the moment the research changes. Every time I wanted to eliminate gluten and dairy, she admonished me against it. I finally took my own initiative against her warnings. It took a full two weeks, but while things are far from perfect, suddenly everything is solid downstairs, I can go a full three days without bloat or dizziness, and the brain fog is significantly decreased.
I also see a 'visceral massage therapist.' A nice sixty-something Jewish lady who moonlights as an actress and speaks Yiddish. I always joke that I have no idea what she does but whatever it is is unspeakably dirty. She is, in some ways, the best part of all this. She is basically is an osteopath who 'moves the organs around' and grants me a few days' relief every week. I do planks and pushups per her instructions, but she is adamant that I should not be running, doing jumping jacks, or lifting weights. She's done a lot of good, but fuck that, I'm doing whatever I can to get relief here.
I'm a bit rusty on these essays There's plenty of detail I know I've forgotten to put in. I'm trying to write a book and it's been a minute since I've done these. The best short story I've ever written was completed in the hospital. Over these months I think I've lost the rhythm of how to organize and remember all the points I want to make. But these essays are personally key for me, whomever reads them. They are not just how I purge myself of the bad thoughts, they are how I retain my nerve as a writer. If you retain the nerve to expose the your experience's dark parts to light's vulnerability, there is no limit to what worthy project you're ready to endure.
Sometimes (Ok, often...) the nerve turns into hubris, and I recently had to abandon a chapter which I planned on writing in the style of a Greek Drama. My nerve is rattled, but somehow I have this faithful public of dozens who have no idea of the latest developments I used to catalogue narcissistically for what I convince myself is your pleasure.
I doubt these essays will ever again be more than an occasional visit from an old friend. Whether I have fifty days left or fifty years, the bulk of the essays I've ever done have probably already been written, while I try other forms of writing so that I don't repeat the same ideaas over and over again and find new avenues so I can evolve into someone different as we all should. My hope is, one day, all these self-revelations are just grist for the mill of life experience that helps us be curious about the heads of people completely different from me. The person I am in real life is both exactly like what I am on the page and completely different, but whereas you all experience work to add to your quality of life, I experience life to add to the quality of the weird work I do, because the 'work' on the page is the place I always know I am in great health, and no stomach distention can destroy what's already on it.
Amen.

Friday, May 19, 2023

TCP: Tragedy of Mariamne - Continued

 Chorus: 


I: I wish we'd ability to rhyme and form couplets

II. I wish that our audience would eat more pork cutlets

I: I wish this play were something pithy and elegant

II: We're lucky to feast on posterity's excrement

I: I wish that the muse would begift me with fire

II: Your muse is a whore and a Jew and a liar

I: I wish her to sing the injustice of Mariamne

II: To rhyme a word like that you'd wear out your bad knee

I: You see now the level this poet is working at

II: To even attempt a play like this he's jerking it

I: Oh sing to us muse the injustice of women

II: Who lie in their beds with their blood stain-ed linen

I: Oh sing to us muse of the rage of old Herod

II: Of those debauched trysts and those lusts that are torrid

I: Oh sing to us muse of the jealous one, Salome

II: The whore and the slut she deserved a lobotomee

I: Oh sing to us muse of the tragic Jersualem

II: A city been with us since before Methusalem

I: Oh sing to us muse of Judea and Isra-el

II: Whose conquest crowns every empire impera-el 

I: Oh sing to us muse of the days of Hasmonea

II: And of feats, acts, beliefs, deeds, lives fit for Draconia

I: Oh sing to us muse the beliefs of the Maccabees

II: Who brought Israel back from sound reason to quackeries

I: Oh sing to us muse of Mariamne's great tragedy

II: And all of the great faults that may catalogue history


(The invocation of the muses stops here, but judging by the gap in the scroll the original may have gone on for another five-hundred lines. - Richard Westenbach: Free University, Berlin 1952)


I: The fanatic from Mod'in stripped Israel from Greece,

II: For Jews they're all known to give reason the fleece.

I: Matthias was pure and it's said he was holy

II: If virtue is this the Heeb spirit is lowly.

I: And like all those Godfools he made many babies

II: And like all those Godfools their rage spreads like rabies.

I: Since Yahweh throws tantrums without full compliance

II: But all we Greeks wanted was give Jews some science.

I: There's no prize for science so why would Jews bother?

II: Do they have some brains left for something but slaughter?

I: They kill everything from their kings to their penis,

II: If everything's dead why're they haunted by cleanness.

I: Jews say they have books but their book is just laws,

II\ Yet customs and code are ignored without cause.

I: But the world of the Jews is so empty and bland

II: It's the silence they need or they get out of hand.


(enter Marc Anthony)

Marc Anthony:

HOOOOORRROOOOOOOORRR!

I have seen horror from Brutus to Germans

Yet no Roman knife chills the blood like this vermin.

 And Rome has seen slimefilth from Crassus to Cassius

Yet no feces stays in the nostrils like ashes.

Jerusalem burns as no city of fame,

Yet light never dies for a tribe without shame.

In every last alley scenes worthy of Medea

Yet no Grecian poet could render Judea.

No place in the world with affairs quite so lurid

As this abattoir lead by their butcher King Herod.


Chorus: 

I. Yet you wanted King Herod as ally and friend

II. And a hemorrhaging pain in Augustus rear end. 

I. You wanted a monster confusion and peril

II. And so you inherited people who're feral .


Anthony: I just wanted some money to go with my trouble


Chorus II: And some Jewish girls while you reduce them to rubble.


Anthony: I just want to make Rome a place nicer than Greece.


Chorus I: It already is you laid waste to the East.


Anthony: When I first met Herod he seemed just like me.


Chorus I: I'm nothing like you -

Chorus II:                                   says the fly to the flea.


(Enter Herod) 


Anthony: He'd drink and he'd screw and he'd smoke and he'd cuss.


All: Who'd think a barbarian's made just like us?


Anthony: I'm leaving poor Israel for Egypt right now.


Chorus I: You've left Rome and Israel your problems and how.


Anthony: Anthony's gone and no payment's worth this!


Chorus II: All this just because he showed up to a bris...


Herod: 

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOORES!

(exit Anthony)

Whores everywhere! Whores to my east and whores to my west!

Whores among priests for treyf meat to get blessed!

Whores among soldiers, whores among spies,

Whores among whores who're rabbis in disguise!

Whores that I kill or I marry like Mariamne

I shouldn't kill her just abandon like Ariadne.

Whores like her mother Alexandra the kalvah

Whored daughter to me then whored me Cleopatra.

Whores that rule nations like glorified cats

While Jews and the Arabs are left for the rats.


Chorus: 

I. You stick up for Jews and the Arabs like Moses

II.  I'm sure Yahweh won't find in your virtue some poses.


Herod: 

I guess if he he does or he doesn't's no matter

The Jews and the Arabs are mad as a hatter.


Chorus: 

I. And Herod's quick brain has a clean bill of health,

II. I'm sure that his bloodlust is just for the wealth.


Herod: 

If I'm just so bad when it's time to kill kin

How do you explain all the kings that have been?

Cleopatra has killed all her husbands and brothers

And then she colludes with Mariamne's drek mother

So I dropped everything and I dashed to her summons.

I knew that I might not survive when I come in

So I had to think of a hole to put thumb in


Chorus:

I: Ye gods that was three rhymes where there should be two!

II: An incompetent poet so what else is new?


Herod: 

So they had to know that by murdering me

They would kill someone loved like my Mariamne.

 I told Uncle Joseph to kill her if they eliminate me.

But how's he to know what to do if she irritates me?


Herod: 

It's a shame for that price to deliver your hide

But they expected Mariamne I knew they'd abide.

But I had to offer some great bit of holdings

Not gold and/or rainment and surely not mouldings.


Chorus:

I: This poetry's terrible, dreadful, horrific!

II: So you try conveying a style that's mythic.


Herod:

The balsam of Jericho's what I presented

She acted as though she just meant to renounce it

But I knew she wanted the deed to forever

She thinks she can hold it and that she's so clever.

Alexandra reminded Cleopatra her oath:

Aristobulus's murder, revenge for us both.

Cleopatra did call for a recess to pondra

But then did I speak to deranged Alexandra

I said not to kill me her daughter's a captive

You see when it comes to my life I'm adaptive.

Alexandra dejected in horror rescinded

And then we go back to our home all is mended.


Chorus: 

I. You think all is mended you dumb little Jew?


Herod: 

Of course I don't think all is mended you fool!

(Enter Mariamne) 

I'm a king and my life is perpetually threatened

So one small mistake my life's bodily deadened

You try surviving this pit of sheer terror!

I guarantee you'd make chess riddled with error!


Mariamne: WEEEEEEEEEAAAAAK!!

(exit Herod) 

Weak little men in the shadows at court

Who hit us and maim us and rape us for sport.

Who pray and play virtue to all powerful Yahweh

Then bribe little men robbing poor on the highway.

There's only one man fit at court to be king,

It's sweet Uncle Joseph who'd let freedom ring.


Chorus: 

I: But Joseph was sworn to assassinate you!


Mariamne: 

If you think he was capable that's just untrue.

His history speaks of all manner of gore

But he loved me, yes, and I loved him more!

My love for him reaches from rivers to seas

Not like for Herod who thought me a tease.

We all know I hated that murdering wretch

But he made it worse cuz he smelled and he'd kvetch

With Herod men pisched their pants holy with terror 

But woman thought Herod too feeble to scare her

He's more scared of women than women of him

And if they thought he'd power their opinion'd grow dim

He'd ply them with presents and raiment and jewels

And then he would stutter his words like his fools

Then he'd fall off his chair and he'd trip on his feet

The most powerful king would turn white as a sheet

But he dare not turn girls out or rape them for fear

That they'd hate him or make him a subject for jeer


Chorus: 

I: Is it possible Herod just wanted a love

II: From a woman who'd see through some murder thereof?


Mariamne: 

Herod's whole life's at court which he played like a master

But Israel's court couldn't drive women out faster

And Herod was built to feel hate, not to love

It's the most natural thing for him, crushing a dove

But women for this scum was object to worship

For Yahweh's king had use for no nuanced courtship

Coitus for Herod was something for breeding

And finding her spots he'd a map of misreading

He'd go out and seduce from some book bought in Rome

And our God only knows what disease he brought home

His sores were like pox and it made him insane

He'd accuse me of lovers with holes in his brain

And disease was the only gift he gave to me

After winning me with rubies large as the sea


Chorus: 

I. I thought he carried you off with Marc Anthony


Mariamne: 

All was a show, he in private played gallantry.


Chorus: 

II: We'd heard that he forced you to marry with sword


Mariamne: 

He did then said it's because he adored...


Chorus: 

I. We've all heard stories like this but did you believe him?


Mariamne: 

Of course not but he's King, I had to receive him!

He said that he'd wait and in time I would love

And he tempered his fury, not even a shove.


Chorus: 

I. This rhyme scheme is Greek but it really is corny.

II. Do you think this couplet will end without 'horny?'


Mariamne: 

With women this giant was tonguetied as Echo

His conversation interesting only to a gekko


(here breaks off the play again and its resumption deposits us straight into a speech from Salome about Mariamne. The change in formal structure from simple couplets to freer form tells us that this section may have a different writer. Or perhaps the writer simply exhausted of strict rhyming schemes. - RW)


Salome: 


Mariamne was mankind's revenge upon women.

Proof that men listen, abide without fuss, 

To a beauty who makes no demands as a plus

And do not care whether she allows herself him in

They get their needs elsewhere matters not where the saemen

  Every man loved her and that's why we hated her. 

A woman whose absence makes all men await her.


Chorus: 


I: Do we seriously keep going with this level of rhyme?

II: Got better ideas? Till then we waste time!


Salome: 


And part of us loved her even as she beat us

We did not want to hate her, she merits belovment

But when Queen is queenly and really deserves it

How could we not hate her when she would defeat us?

Traitor to womankind beloved of those hate us

God knows she's not beautiful as this hated Salome

She has just her heart which is pretty as lonely 

Pretty enough, but she's no Cleopatra

But all is forgiven when her heart is so sacra. 


Chorus: 


I. So sayeth Salome,                that whore

II:                              that slut, 

I: Who canneth believe her when she is so nasty?

II. One more Jewish princess who got rhinoplasty!

Wednesday, May 17, 2023

TCP: The Mariamneia - A Bit More

 Scott Gruenberg

4/20/2023

Mrs. Feder 

Grade 12

In this assignment about the beginning part of the Mariamneia by Sharlappius of Palmyra I will show that Herod is actually the hero of the story, and the women are the villainesses. Herod is oen of the great leaders of Jewish history who made the Jews into a great power again while Rome made the rest of its empire into slaves and he undergoes the hero's journey. Whenever he undrestimated the cleverness of woman characters, he learned from his mistakes and didn't think they were stupid anymore. 

When Herod learned that Mariamne's mother Alexandra was smart because she was talking to Cleopatra while he was talking to Anthony, he knows he needs to give Cleopatra something she wants to stop Alexandra and Cleopatra from being friends. So he gives her the ballsam in Jericho, but is clever enough to knwo he knows he can get it back. 

Herod knows he has to keep Mariamne a prisoner or else Cleopatra might kill him, so he has his Uncle Joseph take her as a prisoner and tells his uncle Joseph to kill her if he gets killed. I think Herod loved Mariamne and he knew he wouldn't get killed and Uncle Joseph wouldn't kill her. 

When Cleopatra agreed with his plan, Alexandra still tired to get Cleopatra to kill Herod, so he told Alexandra that her daughter was kidnapped and would be killed if Herod got killed. So she stopped trying to get Herod killed. This shows that Herod was smart enough to outsmart Alexandra and that he learned from his mistakes. 

In conclusion, I think Herod is the hero of the Mariamneia and he was a good king. Alexandra was a bad person and Cleopatra understood that. 

------------------------------------------------------------

"There is no projective finality in Sharlappius, particularly in that Euripidean masterpiece within the masterpiece: the Mariamneia. To read Sharlappius in the original Latin, with its untranslatable embrace of colloquial Hellenisms and Hebraicisms, is to enter history at an era of Rabbinical paradoxes: of classicism at its close and medievalism at its inception. It embodies the Hebraic paradox of the dialectic, of philosophy become poetry, and embraces both the sensuality of classical reason and the phenomenology of medieval irrationalism. It is a simultaneous statement for God and a forsaking of him. A world of constant historical recursions where events distant from even Sharlappius's lifetime become forever new with regenerative possibilities of meaning for new eras to decipher.  

The passage of exchange between Joseph and Mariamne is a love story so rich with unique resonance for our time. The dialectic paradoxes continue within the Shakespearean richness of Joseph's language against the unstinting sparseness of Mariamne's speech, so reminiscent of the articulate silence of Corneille and Racine which express that which cannot be expressed through a paucity of speech, which implies the continuous battle against totalitarian vacuity in the form of expressing its leavetaking to the classical era of Greek rationalism, so geometric in form yet hermetic in content. Joseph teaches the ability to become love itself, and articulates the possibility of a greater, more knowing poetic optimism within the predeterminism of the fates. In this post-Holocaust agony of knowledge, when the horror of organized noise assaults the ear with unremitting mercilessness, such silences imply possibilities of meaning unknown to our era of barbarity." 

George Steiner - In the Garden of Regeneration - 1973

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"The path for us is so rough,

Oh baby, like Mariamne and Joseph

The princess and the jailer tell tales

But love gets hunted down like grey whales"

Bob Dylan - Skywriting of Louisville - 1977

-------------------------------------------------------------------



Tuesday, May 16, 2023

TCP: The Mariamneia - Beginning

Scott Gruenmann

4/20/2023

Mrs. Feder 

Grade 12

In this assignment about the beginning part of the Mariamneia by Sharlappius of Palmyra I will show that Herod is actually the hero of the story, and the women are the villainesses. Herod is oen of the great leaders of Jewish history who made the Jews into a great power again while Rome made the rest of its empire into slaves and he undergoes the hero's journey. Whenever he undrestimated the cleverness of woman characters, he learned from his mistakes and didn't think they were stupid anymore. 

When Herod learned that Mariamne's mother Alexandra was smart because she was talking to Cleopatra while he was talking to Anthony, he knows he needs to give Cleopatra something she wants to stop Alexandra and Cleopatra from being friends. So he gives her the ballsam in Jericho, but is clever enough to knwo he knows he can get it back. 

Herod knows he has to keep Mariamne a prisoner or else Cleopatra might kill him, so he has his Uncle Joseph take her as a prisoner and tells his uncle Joseph to kill her if he gets killed. I think Herod loved Mariamne and he knew he wouldn't get killed and Uncle Joseph wouldn't kill her. 

When Cleopatra agreed with his plan, Alexandra still tired to get Cleopatra to kill Herod, so he told Alexandra that her daughter was kidnapped and would be killed if Herod got killed. So she stopped trying to get Herod killed. This shows that Herod was smart enough to outsmart Alexandra and that he learned from his mistakes. 

In conclusion, I think Herod is the hero of the Mariamneia and he was a good king. Alexandra was a bad person and Cleopatra understood that. 

------------------------------------------------------------

"The passage of exchange between Joseph and Mariamne is a love story with unique resonance for our time. The unstinting sparseness of Joseph's speech, so reminiscent of the articulate silence of Corneille and Racine which express that which cannot be through a paucity of speech, implies the continuous battle against totalitarian vacuity and the vanishing era of Greek rationalism, so geometric in form yet hermetic in content. Joseph teaches the ability to become love itself, and articulates the possibility of a greater, more knowing poetic optimism within the predeterminism of the fates. In this post-Holocaust agony of knowledge, when the horror of organized noise assaults the eye every second of the day, such silences imply possibilities of meaning unknown in our era of barbarity." 

Herbert Stein - New Yorker, 1973




Monday, May 15, 2023

TCP: The Tragedy of Mariamne - New Beginning

 Chorus: 


I: I wish we'd ability to rhyme and form couplets

II. I wish that our audience would eat more pork cutlets

I: I wish this play were something pithy and elegant

II: We're lucky to feast on posterity's excrement

I: I wish that the muse would begift me with fire

II: Your muse is a whore and a Jew and a liar

I: I wish her to sing the injustice of Mariamne

II: To rhyme a word like that you'd wear out your bad knee

I: You see now the level this poet is working at

II: To even attempt a play like this he's jerking it

I: Oh sing to us muse the injustice of women

II: Who lie in their beds with their blood stain-ed linen

I: Oh sing to us muse of the rage of old Herod

II: Of those debauched trysts and those lusts that are torrid

I: Oh sing to us muse of the jealous one, Salome

II: The whore and the slut she deserved a lobotomee

I: Oh sing to us muse of the tragic Jersualem

II: A city been with us since before Methusalem

I: Oh sing to us muse of Judea and Isra-el

II: Whose conquest crowns every empire impera-el 

I: Oh sing to us muse of the days of Hasmonea

II: And of feats, acts, beliefs, deeds, lives fit for Draconia

I: Oh sing to us muse the beliefs of the Maccabees

II: Who brought Israel back from sound reason to quackeries

I: Oh sing to us muse of Mariamne's great tragedy

II: And all of the great faults that may catalogue history


(The invocation of the muses stops here, but judging by the gap in the scroll the original may have gone on for another five-hundred lines. - Richard Westenbach: Free University, Berlin 1952)


I: The fanatic from Mod'in stripped Israel from Greece,

II: For Jews they're all known to give reason the fleece.

I: Matthias was pure and it's said he was holy

II: If virtue is this the Heeb spirit is lowly.

I: And like all those Godfools he made many babies

II: And like all those Godfools their rage spreads like rabies.

I: Since Yahweh throws tantrums without full compliance

II: But all we Greeks wanted was give Jews some science.

I: There's no prize for science so why would Jews bother?

II: Do they have some brains left for something but slaughter?

I: They kill everything from their kings to their penis,

II: If everything's dead why're they haunted by cleanness.

I: Jews say they have books but their book is just laws,

II\ Yet customs and code are ignored without cause.

I: But the world of the Jews is so empty and bland

II: It's the silence they need or they get out of hand.


(enter Marc Anthony)

Marc Anthony:

HOOOOORRROOOOOOOORRR!

I have seen horror from Brutus to Germans

Yet no Roman knife chills the blood like this vermin.

 And Rome has seen slimefilth from Crassus to Cassius

Yet no feces stays in the nostrils like ashes.

Jerusalem burns as no city of fame,

Yet light never dies for a tribe without shame.

In every last alley scenes worthy of Medea

Yet no Grecian poet could render Judea.

No place in the world with affairs quite so lurid

As this abattoir lead by their butcher King Herod.


Chorus: 

I. Yet you wanted King Herod as ally and friend

II. And a hemorrhaging pain in Augustus rear end. 

I. You wanted a monster confusion and peril

II. And so you inherited people who're feral .


Anthony: I just wanted some money to go with my trouble


Chorus II: And some Jewish girls while you reduce them to rubble.


Anthony: I just want to make Rome a place nicer than Greece.


Chorus I: It already is you laid waste to the East.


Anthony: When I first met Herod he seemed just like me.


Chorus I: I'm nothing like you -

Chorus II:                                   says the fly to the flea.


(Enter Herod) 


Anthony: He'd drink and he'd screw and he'd smoke and he'd cuss.


All: Who'd think a barbarian's made just like us?


Anthony: I'm leaving poor Israel for Egypt right now.


Chorus I: You've left Rome and Israel your problems and how.


Anthony: Anthony's gone and no payment's worth this!


Chorus II: All this just because he showed up to a bris...


Herod: 

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOORES!

(exit Anthony)

Whores everywhere! Whores to my east and whores to my west!

Whores among priests for treyf meat to get blessed!

Whores among soldiers, whores among spies,

Whores among whores who're rabbis in disguise!

Whores that I kill or I marry like Mariamne

I shouldn't kill her just abandon like Ariadne.

Whores like her mother Alexandra the kalvah

Whored daughter to me then whored me Cleopatra.

Whores that rule nations like glorified cats

While Jews and the Arabs are left for the rats.


Chorus: 

I. You stick up for Jews and the Arabs like Moses

II.  I'm sure Yahweh won't find in your virtue some poses.


Herod: 

I guess if he he does or he doesn't's no matter

The Jews and the Arabs are mad as a hatter.


Chorus: 

I. And Herod's quick brain has a clean bill of health,

II. I'm sure that his bloodlust is just for the wealth.


Herod: 

If I'm just so bad when it's time to kill kin

How do you explain all the kings that have been?

Cleopatra has killed all her husbands and brothers

And then she colludes with Mariamne's drek mother

So I dropped everything and I dashed to her summons.

I knew that I might not survive when I come in

So I had to think of a hole to put thumb in


Chorus:

I: Ye gods that was three rhymes where there should be two!

II: An incompetent poet so what else is new?


Herod: 

So they had to know that by murdering me

They would kill someone loved like my Mariamne.

 I told Uncle Joseph to kill her if they eliminate me.

But how's he to know what to do if she irritates me?


Herod: 

It's a shame for that price to deliver your hide

But they expected Mariamne I knew they'd abide.

But I had to offer some great bit of holdings

Not gold and/or rainment and surely not mouldings.


Chorus:

I: This poetry's terrible, dreadful, horrific!

II: So you try conveying a style that's mythic.


Herod:

The balsam of Jericho's what I presented

She acted as though she just meant to renounce it

But I knew she wanted the deed to forever

She thinks she can hold it and that she's so clever.

Alexandra reminded Cleopatra her oath:

Aristobulus's murder, revenge for us both.

Cleopatra did call for a recess to pondra

But then did I speak to deranged Alexandra

I said not to kill me her daughter's a captive

You see when it comes to my life I'm adaptive.

Alexandra dejected in horror rescinded

And then we go back to our home all is mended.


Chorus: 

I. You think all is mended you dumb little Jew?


Herod: 

Of course I don't think all is mended you fool!

(Enter Mariamne) 

I'm a king and my life is perpetually threatened

So one small mistake my life's bodily deadened

You try surviving this pit of sheer terror!

I guarantee you'd make chess riddled with error!


Mariamne: WEEEEEEEEEAAAAAK!!

(exit Herod) 

Weak little men in the shadows at court

Who hit us and maim us and rape us for sport.

Who pray and play virtue to all powerful Yahweh

Then bribe little men robbing poor on the highway.

There's only one man fit at court to be king,

It's sweet Uncle Joseph who'd let freedom ring.


Chorus: 

I: But Joseph was sworn to assassinate you!


Mariamne: 

If you think he was capable that's just untrue.

His history speaks of all manner of gore

But he loved me, yes, and I loved him more!

My love for him reaches from rivers to seas

Not like for Herod who thought me a tease.

We all know I hated that murdering wretch

But he made it worse cuz he smelled and he'd kvetch

With Herod men pisched their pants holy with terror 

But woman thought Herod too feeble to scare her

He's more scared of women than women of him

And if they thought he'd power their opinion'd grow dim

He'd ply them with presents and raiment and jewels

And then he would stutter his words like his fools

Then he'd fall off his chair and he'd trip on his feet

The most powerful king would turn white as a sheet

But he dare not turn girls out or rape them for fear

That they'd hate him or make him a subject for jeer


Chorus: 

I: Is it possible Herod just wanted a love

II: From a woman who'd see through some murder thereof?


Mariamne: 

Herod's whole life's at court which he played like a master

But Israel's court couldn't drive women out faster

And Herod was built to feel hate, not to love

It's the most natural thing for him, crushing a dove

But women for this scum was object to worship

For Yahweh's king had use for no nuanced courtship

Coitus for Herod was something for breeding

And finding her spots he'd a map of misreading

He'd go out and seduce from some book bought in Rome

And our God only knows what disease he brought home

His sores were like pox and it made him insane

He'd accuse me of lovers with holes in his brain

And disease was the only gift he gave to me

After winning me with rubies large as the sea


Chorus: 

I. I thought he carried you off with Marc Anthony


Mariamne: 

All was a show, he in private played gallantry.


Chorus: 

II: We'd heard that he forced you to marry with sword


Mariamne: 

He did then said it's because he adored...


Chorus: 

I. We've all heard stories like this but did you believe him?


Mariamne: 

Of course not but he's King, I had to receive him!

He said that he'd wait and in time I would love

And he tempered his fury, not even a shove.


Chorus: 

I. This rhyme scheme is Greek but it really is corny.

II. Do you think this couplet will end without 'horny?'


Mariamne: 

With women this giant was tonguetied as Echo

His 





Saturday, May 13, 2023

TCP: The Tragedy of Mariamne - Still More More

  Chorus: 

I: The fanatic from Mod'in stripped Israel from Greece,

II: For Jews they're all known to give reason the fleece.

I: Matthias was pure and it's said he was holy

II: If virtue is this the Heeb spirit is lowly.

I: And like all those Godfools he made many babies

II: And like all those Godfools their rage spreads like rabies.

I: Since Yahweh throws tantrums without full compliance

II: But all we Greeks wanted was give Jews some science.

I: There's no prize for science so why would Jews bother?

II: Do they have some brains left for something but slaughter?

I: They kill everything from their kings to their penis,

II: If everything's dead why're they haunted by cleanness.

I: Jews say they have books but their book is just laws,

II\ Yet customs and code are ignored without cause.

I: But the world of the Jews is so empty and bland

II: It's the silence they need or they get out of hand.


(enter Marc Anthony)

Marc Anthony:

HOOOOORRROOOOOOOORRR!

I have seen horror from Brutus to Germans

Yet no Roman knife chills the blood like this vermin.

 And Rome has seen slimefilth from Crassus to Cassius

Yet no feces stays in the nostrils like ashes.

Jerusalem burns as no city of fame,

Yet light never dies for a tribe without shame.

In every last alley scenes worthy of Medea

Yet no Grecian poet could render Judea.

No place in the world with affairs quite so lurid

As this abattoir lead by their butcher King Herod.


Chorus: 

I. Yet you wanted King Herod as ally and friend

II. And a hemorrhaging pain in Augustus rear end. 

I. You wanted a monster confusion and peril

II. And so you inherited people who're feral .


Anthony: I just wanted some money to go with my trouble


Chorus II: And some Jewish girls while you reduce them to rubble.


Anthony: I just want to make Rome a place nicer than Greece.


Chorus I: It already is you laid waste to the East.


Anthony: When I first met Herod he seemed just like me.


Chorus I: I'm nothing like you -

Chorus II:                                   says the fly to the flea.


(Enter Herod) 


Anthony: He'd drink and he'd screw and he'd smoke and he'd cuss.


All: Who'd think a barbarian's made just like us?


Anthony: I'm leaving poor Israel for Egypt right now.


Chorus I: You've left Rome and Israel your problems and how.


Anthony: Anthony's gone and no payment's worth this!


Chorus II: All this just because he showed up to a bris...


Herod: 

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOORES!

(exit Anthony)

Whores everywhere! Whores to my east and whores to my west!

Whores among priests for treyf meat to get blessed!

Whores among soldiers, whores among spies,

Whores among whores who're rabbis in disguise!

Whores that I kill or I marry like Mariamne

I shouldn't kill her just abandon like Ariadne.

Whores like her mother Alexandra the kalvah

Whored daughter to me then whored me Cleopatra.

Whores that rule nations like glorified cats

While Jews and the Arabs are left for the rats.


Chorus: 

I. You stick up for Jews and the Arabs like Moses

II.  I'm sure Yahweh won't find in your virtue some poses.


Herod: 

I guess if he he does or he doesn't's no matter

The Jews and the Arabs are as mad as a hatter.


Chorus: 

I. And Herod's quick brain has a clean bill of health,

II. I'm sure that his bloodlust is just for the wealth.


Herod: 

If I'm just so bad when it's time to kill kin

How do you explain all the kings that have been?

Cleopatra has killed all her husbands and brothers

And then she colludes with Mariamne's drek mother

So I dropped everything and I dashed to her summons.

I knew that I might not survive when I come in

So I had to think of a hole to put thumb in

So they had to know that by murdering me

They would kill someone loved like my Mariamne.

 I told Uncle Joseph to kill her if they eliminate me.

It's a shame for that price to deliver your hide

But they expected Mariamne I knew they'd abide.

But I had to offer some great bit of holdings

Not gold and/or rainment and surely not mouldings.

The balsam of Jericho's what I presented

She acted as though she meant to just rent it

But I knew she wanted the deed to forever

She thinks she can hold it and that she's so clever.

Alexandra reminded Cleopatra her oath

Aristobuls's murder revenge for us both.

Clepatra did call for a recess to pondra

But then did I speak to deranged Alexandra

I said not to kill me her daughter's a captive

You see when it comes to my life I'm adaptive.

Alexandra dejected in horror rescinded

And then we go back to our home all is mended.


Chorus: 

I. You think all is mended you dumb little Jew?


Herod: 

Of course I don't think all is mended you fool!

(Enter Mariamne) 

I'm a king and my life is perpetu'aly threatened

You try to survive in this pit of sheer terror!

I guarantee you'd make gambles riddled with errors!


Mariamne: WEEEEEEEEEAAAAAK!!

(exit Herod) 

Weak little men in the shadows at court

Who hit us and maim us and rape us for sport.

Who pray and play virtue t'all powerful Yahweh

Then bribe little men robbing poor on the highway.

There's only one man fit at court to be king,

It's sweet Uncle Joseph who'd let freedom ring.


Chorus: 

I: But Joseph was sworn to assassinate you!


Mariamne: 

If you think he was capable that's just untrue.

His history might be filled with all manner of gore

But he loved me, yes, and I loved him more!

My love for him reaches from rivers to seas

Not like for Herod who thought me a tease.

We all know I hated that murdering wretch

But he made it worse cuz he smelled and he'd kvetch

With Herod men pisched their pants holy with terror 

But woman thought Herod too feeble to scare her

He's more scared of women than women of him

And if they thought he'd power their opinion'd grow dim

He'd ply them with presents and raiment and jewels

And then he would stutter his words like his fools

Then he'd fall off his chair and he'd trip on his feet

The most powerful king would turn white as a sheet

But he dare not turn girls out or rape them for fear

That they'd hate him or make him a subject for jeer


Chorus: 

I: Is it possible Herod just wanted a love

II: From a woman who'd see through some murder thereof?


Mariamne: 

Herod's whole life's at court which he played like a master

But Israel's court couldn't drive women out faster

And Herod was built to feel hate not to love

But women for this scum was object to worship

For Yahweh's king had use for no nuanced courtship

Coitus for Herod was something for breeding

And finding her spots he'd a map of misreading

He'd go out and seduce from some book bought in Rome

God only knows what disease he brought home

His sores were like pox and it made him insane

He'd accuse me of lovers with holes in his brain


Thursday, May 11, 2023

The Tragedy of Mariamne - Some More - TCP

  Chorus: 

I: The fanatic from Mod'in stripped Israel from Greece

II: For Jews they're all known to give reason the fleece

I: Matthias was pure and it's said he was holy

II: If virtue is this the Heeb spirit is lowly 

I: And like all those Godfools he made many babies

II: And like all those Godfools their rage spreads like rabies

I: Since Yahweh throws tantrums without full compliance

II: But all we Greeks wanted was give Jews some science

I: There's no prize for science so why would Jews bother

II: Do they have some brains left for something but slaughter

I: They kill everything from their kings to their penis

II: If everything's dead why're they haunted by cleanness

I: Jews say they have books but their book is just laws

II\ Yet customs and code are ignored without cause

I: But the world of the Jews is so empty and bland

II: It's the silence they need or they get out of hand


(enter Marc Anthony)

Marc Anthony:

I have seen horror from Brutus to Germans

Yet no Roman knife chills the blood like this vermin

 And Rome has seen slimefilth from Crassus to Cassius

Yet no feces stays in the nostrils like ashes

Jerusalem burns as no city of fame

Yet light never dies for a tribe without shame

In every last alley scenes worthy of Medea

Yet no Grecian poet could render Judea

No place in the world with affairs quite so lurid

As this abattoir lead by their butcher King Herod


Chorus: 

I. Yet you wanted King Herod as ally and friend

II. And a hemorrhaging pain in Augustus rear end. 

I. You wanted a monster confusion and peril

II. And so you inherited people who're feral 


Anthony: I just wanted some money to go with my trouble


Chorus II: And some Jewish girls while you reduce them to rubble


Anthony: I just want to make Rome a place nicer than Greece


Chorus I: It already is you laid waste to the East


Anthony: When I first met Herod he seemed just like me


Chorus I: I'm nothing like you -

Chorus II:                                   says the fly to the flea


(Enter Herod) 


Anthony: He'd drink and he'd screw and he'd smoke and he'd cuss


All: Who'd think a barbarian's made just like us


Anthony: I'm leaving poor Israel for Egypt right now


Chorus I: You've left Rome and Israel your problems and how


Anthony: Anthony's gone and no payment's worth this


Chorus II: All this just because he showed up to a bris


Herod: 

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOORES!

(exit Anthony)

Whores everywhere - 

                                    whores to the east and whores to my west

Whores among priests for treyf meat to get blessed

Whores among soldiers -

                                         whores among spies

Whores among whores who're rabbis in disguise. 

Whores that I kill or I marry like Mariamne

I shouldn't kill her -

                                 just abandon like Ariadne

Whores like her mother Alexandra the kalvah

Whored daughter to me then whored me Cleopatra

Whores that rule nations like glorified cats

While Jews and the Arabs are left for the rats


Chorus: 

I. You stick up for Jews and the Arabs like Moses

II.  I'm sure Yahweh won't find in your virtue some poses


Herod: 

I guess if he he does or he doesn't's no matter

The Jews and the Arabs are as mad as a hatter


Chorus: 

I. And Herod's quick brain has a clean bill of health

II. I'm sure that his bloodlust is just for the wealth


Herod: 

If I'm just so bad when it's time to kill kin

How do you explain all the kings that have been

Cleopatra has killed all her husbands and brothers

And then she colludes with Mariamne's drek mother

So I dropped everything and I dashed to her summons

I knew that I might not survive when I come in

So I had to think of a hole to put thumb in

So they had to know that by murdering me

They would kill someone loved like my Mariam-ne

So I told Uncle Joseph to watch Mariamne

And kill her right now should they 'liminate me

It's a shame for that price to deliver your hide

But they 'xpected Mariamne I knew they'd abide

But I had to offer some great bit of holdings

Not gold and/or rainment and surely not mouldings

The balsam of Jericho's what I presented

She acted as though she meant to just rent it

But I knew she wanted the deed to forever

She thinks she can hold it and that she's so clever

'lexandra reminded Cl'opatra her oath

Aristobuls' murder 

                               - avenge for us both

Cl'opatra did call for a recess to ponder

But then did I speak to deranged Alexandr'

I said not to kill me

                                - her daughter's a captive

You see when it comes to my life I'm adaptive

'lexandra dejected in horror rescinded

And then we go back to our home - 

                                                          all is mended


Chorus: 

I. You think all is mended you dumb little Jew?


Herod: 

Of course I don't think all is mended you fool

(Enter Mariamne) 

I'm a king and my life is perpetu'lly threatened

You try to survive in this pit of sheer terror

I guarantee you'd make mistakes 

                                                      - lethal errors


Mariamne: WEEEEEEEEEAAAAAK!!

(exit Herod) 

Weak little men in the shadows at court

Who hit them and maim them and rape them for sport

Who pray and play virtue t'all powerful Yahweh

Then bribe little men robbing poor on the highway

There's only one man fit at court to be king

It's sweet Uncle Joseph who'd make Israel sing


Chorus: 

I: But Joseph was sworn to assassinate you


Mariamne: 

If you think he was capable that's just untrue








 

Monday, May 8, 2023

TCP: Tragedy of Mariamne - A Little More

 Chorus: 

I: The fanatic from Mod'in stripped Israel from Greece

II: For Jews they're all known to give reason the fleece

I: Matthias was pure and it's said he was holy

II: If virtue is this the Heeb spirit is lowly 

I: And like all those Godfools he made many babies

II: And like all those Godfools their rage spreads like rabies

I: Since Yahweh throws tantrums without full compliance

II: But all we Greeks wanted was give Jews some science

I: There's no prize for science so why would Jews bother

II: Do they have some brains left for something but slaughter

I: They kill everything from their kings to their penis

II: If everything's dead why're they haunted by cleanness

I: Jews say they have books but their book is just laws

II\ Yet customs and code are ignored without cause

I: But the world of the Jews is so empty and bland

II: It's the silence they need or they get out of hand


(enter Marc Anthony)

Marc Anthony:

I have seen horror from Brutus to Germans

Yet no Roman knife chills the blood like this vermin

 And Rome has seen slimefilth from Crassus to Cassius

Yet no feces stays in the nostrils like ashes

Jerusalem burns as no city of fame

Yet light never dies for a tribe without shame

In every last alley scenes worthy of Medea

Yet no Grecian poet could render Judea

No place in the world with affairs quite so lurid

As this abattoir lead by their butcher King Herod


Chorus: 

I. Yet you wanted King Herod as ally and friend

II. And a hemorrhaging pain in Augustus rear end. 

I. You wanted a monster confusion and peril

II. And so you inherited people who're feral 


Anthony: I just wanted some money to go with my trouble


Chorus II: And some Jewish girls while you reduce them to rubble


Anthony: I just want to make Rome a place nicer than Greece


Chorus I: It already is you laid waste to the East


Anthony: When I first met Herod he seemed just like me


Chorus I: I'm nothing like you -

Chorus II:                                   says the fly to the flea


Anthony: He'd drink and he'd screw and he'd smoke and he'd cuss


All: Who'd think a barbarian's made just like us


Anthony: I'm leaving poor Israel for Egypt right now


Chorus 1: You've left Rome and Israel your problems and how


Anthony: Anthony's gone and no payment's worth this


Chorus 2: All this just because he showed up to a bris




----------------------------------------------------------

Herod: 

Whores everywhere - 

                                    whores to the east and whores to my west

Whores among priests for treyf meat to get blessed

Whores among soldiers -

                                         whores among spies

Whores among whores who're rabbis in disguise. 

Whores that I kill or I marry like Mariamne

I shouldn't kill her -

                                 just abandon like Ariadne

Whores like her mother Alexandra the kalvah

Whored daughter to me then whored me Cleopatra

Whores that rule nations like glorified cats

While Jews and the Arabs are left for the rats


Sunday, May 7, 2023

TCP: The Tragedy of Mariamne - Beginning

 Chorus: 

I: The fanatic from Mod'in stripped Israel from Greece

II: Cuz Jews they're all known to give reason the fleece

I: Matthias was pure and it's said he was holy

II: If virtue this is then Heeb spirit is lowly 

I: And like all those Godfools he made many babies

II: And like all those Godfools their rage spreads like rabies

I: Since Yahweh throws tantrums without full compliance

II: But all we Greeks wanted was give Jews some science

I: There's no prize for science so why would Jews bother

II: Do they have some brains left for something but slaughter

I: They kill everything from their kings to their penis

II: If everything's dead why're they haunted by cleanness

I: Jews say they have books but their book is just laws

II: And yet customs and code are ignored without cause

I: But the world of the Jews is so empty and bland

II: It's the silence they need or they get out of hand


(enter Marc Anthony)

Marc Anthony:

I have seen horror from Brutus to Germans

Yet no Roman knife can chill blood like this vermin

 I have seen slime from Crassus to Cassius

Yet no feces stays in the nostrils like ashes

Jerusalem burns as no city of fame

Yet light never dies for a tribe with no shame

In every last alley scenes worthy of Medea

Yet no Grecian poet could render Judea

There's no place in the world with affairs quite so lurid

As this abattoir lead by their butcher King Herod


Chorus: 

I. Yet you wanted King Herod as ally and friend

II. And a hemorrhaging pain in Augustus rear end. 

I. You wanted a monster confusion and peril

II. And so you inherited these people who're feral 


Anthony: I just wanted some money to go with my trouble


Chorus II: And some Jewish girls while you reduce them to rubble


Anthony: I just want to make Rome a place nicer than Greece


Chorus I: It already is you laid waste to the East


Anthony: When I first met Herod he seemed so like me


Chorus I: I'm nothing like you

Chorus II: Says the fly to the flea


Anthony: 

He drank and he fucked and he'd smoke and he'd cuss


All:

Who'd think a barbarian is made just like us?

The Mariamne Trilogy - Very Beginning

Chorus:

The fanatic from Mod'in stripped Israel of Greece

For Jews they're all known to give reason the fleece

Matthias was pure and it's said he was holy

If virtue this is then Heeb spirit is lowly

And like all those Godfools he made many babies

And like all those Godfools their rage spreads like rabies

And all we Greeks wanted was give Jews some science

But Yahweh throws tantrums without full compliance

Antiochus