Friday, July 14, 2017

Game of Thrones Predictions - Because this is really what my blog is for...

Strangely Vivid GoT Predictions - many of which seriously appeared to me in a dream last season. I love Game of Thrones, I just don't like it. I sometimes doubt anybody does. I'm addicted to it and in awe of it, but infatuation is different. Moreover, even on GoT's own terms, it's not as great a show as people say it is. Over and over again, it slows down to a crawl for no reason at all and then goes through plots in a single episode that should take a season. 
Still, I'm in awe of the sheer size of it - like everybody else. So, first of all,
(seriously, scroll down and read no further if you don't want spoilers)
1. Cersei will be dead in 1-3 episodes and Jamie will kill her. She's paranoid enough to want to kill everyone in King's Landing as a potential traitor the way the mad King did. Tyrion will understand completely. But Daenerys cannot be seen as being vengeful in her first day as ruler, so she will have to do the honorable thing and appear to execute Jamie - Tyrion will fake Jamie's death and Jamie will go to the wall where he quickly becomes Captain of the Night's Watch. 
2. Jon Snow's a Targaryen, and Tyrion is too. Just get it fucking over with and let them ride the dragons already!
3. The true villain of the show is yet to be revealed. It is neither Cersei nor the White Walkers, it is budding neoconservative Daenerys. She, not the White Walkers, will lay waste to the Seven Kingdoms in her passion to rebuild it by waging a total war on the White Walkers she can't win. 
3a. The dragons will set that library on fire, and it will be more horrible to watch than anything Ramsey Bolton did. 
4. Jon Snow and Daenerys will form an alliance against Cersei, then the alliance will break up over how to deal with the White Walkers. Jon Snow sees a chance for peace, Daenerys says no way, victory or bust. 
5. Jon Snow wins and restores order. Sansa, taught all politics by Littlefinger but getting rid of him finally since he can't last much longer..., will become the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, installed by Jon, and start a glorious reign of peace and imperial plunder...
6. Samwell will obviously figure out how to kill White Walkers. He will convey this to Arya, who will smash them the way Orson smashed the beatles. 
7. Bran will warg into something... who cares...
8. Tyrion will die. Repeat, Tyrion will die. It will be near the end so as not to offend anyone enough to stop watching. But Tyrion is probably a Targaryen, and his realpolitik will come between Daenerys and total victory. He will not make it to the final episode.
9. Melisandre will sacrifice her life to bring back Stannis's daughter (whatshername), without her grayscale, from the dead to be raised as Ser Davos's daughter. Similarly, Jorah will survive the grayscale, return to Bear Island and become advisor to Lyanna, where his weakness for strong women can be better utilized. 
10. The death of all three Targaryens is necessary to banish dragons from the Seven Kingdoms. According to my obviously prophetic dream, the show will end with Jon Snow realizing this and jumping off the wall. 'JS' died for our sins. 
Ser Davos: Evan could stand to do less predictions.
Stannis: Fewer.

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