This is roughly 1/3rd of what we're hoping to get by Wednesday at Noon. Still, impressive no? (and yes, I'm aware that the original draft kinda sucked):
only ugly people take part in the pantsless metro ride
yuppies have taken over the bars in dupont, college students and thugs have taken them over in adams morgan and hipsters have taken them over in columbia heights,
tourists don’t know how to stand on the right
people who don’t wear deoderant in the summer on the metro
women wearing white tennis shoes with hose and suits
ward 8 having no grocery store
the white house security perimeter
cars with diplomatic plates that try to run you over
conversations at bars where people judge you on your job
people using your city services in dc without paying taxes there
taxation without representation
hill staffers and summer interns taking over all the restaurants and bars
really the entire Hill
teenagers visiting in big school groups and acting like buffoons, especially on the metro
homeless everywhere who are really aggressive
scam artists selling free maps for the city
expensive restaurants that are not great
Real World DC
The burbs esp. in VA
The 495 motor speedway
People who cant drive in snow, rain, or their cars in general
Persian guys at bars trying to pick you up by humping
Military industrial complex contractors
$2000 a month for a 1br
the sports teams, and riding the metro after a game ends
height restriction on buildings
a downtown that shuts down on the weekend
People who think Baltimore is so much better
NYC being 5 hours away
The Kojo Naaaandi show, esp. the DC politics hour
$26,000 annual tuition for kindergarten
really all the tourists all summer
how expensive the Newseum and the Spy Museum are
The Madame Toussads and its very existence
Having to care about VA politics
People whose headphones are so loud on the metro that you can curse along with their song
Congressional staffers-their conversations, their mannerisms, their attire, their snobbery,
Local elections being decided in the democratic primary
The shadow senators
The buses never on time or sometimes never showing up at all
Getting lost on GW Parkway and accidentally trying to go through security at the Pentagon or ending up in DC when you’re trying to go to Arlington and vice versa
Georgetown undergrads and really the entire neighborhood of Georgetown
People who name drop
No underground walk between ferragut north and west
How many Starbucks there are in the city
How expensive the gyms are
Dulles, esp its people movers
How expensive parking is
How expensive the metro is
People who try to step in when the doors are closing.
People whgo don't stand on the right
Shopping, meeting up, on a date, I hate to pay for parking.
The Humor I see is the push for a Green DC through the hiring of more
meter maids that requires a rise in parking fees, what is now 8 quarters
= 1 hour along with extra fee for plastic bags that you need to carry
all the quarters. Oh and more meter service technicians to fix the
jammed meters from all those quarters, more Boot engineers to install
boots on cars that received tickets for parking next to a jammed meters,
along with more tow truck operators move the cars so the coin collectors
can access the meters, more court personal to process the parking fines
for the cars that where moved to no parking areas. Oh and DC still has
no budget do to the salaries of all the personal needed to handle the
new parking rates. Quarters are silver not Green.
Taxation without representation.
Why are the longest Metro escalators the ones that are always broken?
The racist name of the football team.
Some people who live D.C. have a limited "relationship radius" that keeps them from dating people outside the city.
"Summertime, and the smell of the SW Waterfront."
trying to find parking for 6 o'clock appointments
ever rising metro fare
entitled douchbags hanging out at the bars
RATS larger than opossums
"acronym" syndrome (where one only speaks in a series of agency letters...)
Over abundance of BMW, Lexus, and Mercedes owners and yet no one knows how to drive (which leads to outstanding insurance rates)
The yellow pillars in parking garages
495 between college park and the Mormon temple
Built on a swamp!
Driving in DuPont Circle
Jack and coke for 7.50
Federal government efficiency
Complaint Number 1: The U.S. Senate is a broken institution.
I also think a big "Taxation without representation" refrain would be nice :-)
Thers is no nightlife
Career Driven Lunatics
Badly Dressed People Everywhere
Not to mention, skinterns (slutty interns)
Aside from museums we have nothing to do during the day on the weekends.
Evan, kickball needs to make the list.. Seriously, it's weird.
The beltway is a death-trap.
Good record stores closing.
The MARC closes on the weekend and I am trapped in DC (fuck Amtrak and their $40 trip to Baltimore!)...
Getting to dulles
ridiculous, poorly-planned sprawl
Add Real World DC to the list
DC DMV is atrocious
Tourists who stand on the left and not on the right
Marion Barry (though, he is good for comic relief)
Boo to the exurban NIMBYs who keep blocking extended metro service in NOVA and Montgomery County. Stupid NIMBYs
Can you say, obscene housing costs.
Drinks starting at 7 bucks.
Giant Fing doublewide baby strollers.
Crappy Metro (this is also the F you Senator Coburn complaint).
Two council members not of the party of our choosing.
Autocratic Adrian Fenty, and his union busting lacky Michelle Rhee.
No vertical growth.
Lack of diners.
The many other obnoxious things that tourists do.
Diplomatic immunity, by which I mean bad drivers.
We saw Dick Cheney twice.
Meter maids trained by the Stasi.
The Red Skins.
The bloody US Senate.
Police state in Trinidad.
Absence of a decent crab cake.
Taxation without representation!
poor air quality
de facto segregation
California Pizza Kitchen in Dupont closing
1 inch of snow shutting the whole freakin city down
Nanny O'Brien's "classing up" costing more but still smelling bad
apartment complexes that feature east german architecture
Pat Buchanan was born in DC
closing Babe's and replacing it with...... oh thats right, NOTHING!
people farting in elevators (we need some non-DC specific things in there too)
Chinatown is one lousy block
people checking their email at dinner
erections lasting longer than four hours that apparently require medical attention
planning the city on a grid, then fucking it all up by adding state streets
People staying in DC when they should be moving to Boston.
Stand on the right, walk on the left! Stand on the right, walk on the left!
It's no judicUARY square!
Stand clear of the closing doors!!
No, tourist, I will not take your picture.
Let's protest protests.
Taxation without Representation
One inch of snow- everybody panic~!
There are other quadrants besides northwest?
No more larouche fliers
The nationals suck.
Everybody gives business cards
Late Night Shots.
There's more to life than politics.
Sooo what do you do?
Females outnumber males.AIDS!
President turned Ben's Chili Bowl into a tourist spot.
Friday Nights in Adams Morgan
Saturday Afternoons in Georgetown
ENOUG POLITICS ALREADY. GAHHHHHH
Panels and roundtables on everything no matter how insignificant.
Think tanks which seldom think; very often tank
No decent clothing stores. Really there are almost none. I have to order clothing online.
Panda bears on the metro cards
"did you buy two fares?" for those hateful people who put a bag next to them on a metro seat and the annoying and singular obsession with employement in dc:"and who do YOU work for?" or "what do YOU do?"
traffic, busy people, lack of snow in the winters...
people who block the escalator.
people on bikes who don't know the traffic laws for biking.
high prices of beer.
people who say O at the Nats game.
people driving in "weather."
people starting conversations with "what do you do?" not "what to you do for fun?"
800-1000$ is a great deal on rent!?!
the guy on the metro who doesn't shower.
knowing the difference between people and their blue tooth and skitzos is a matter of life and death.
The group of drunk chicks in Adams Morgan wearing altered prom dresses.