2001: A Space Odyssey - Nothing will change the fact that this movie is built around a GIANT F!@#ING SQUARE!
Metropolis - THE MEDIATOR BETWEEN HEAD AND HANDS MUST BE HEART!
L'Avventura - The boredom symbolizes the meaningless of our lives. I'd rather watch Married with Children.
Rashamon - Things look different to different people. That's the whole movie.
Ran - King Lear, by John Ford.
12 Angry Men - Liberalism. YAY!
Adaptation - My boring life is SO INTERESTING!
Babel - We all need to love one another. Let's watch kids die.
Dr. Strangelove - The A-Bomb will kill us all. Peter Sellers is so funny.
Easy Rider - We're the next step up the evolutionary...wow man, fingers are weird.
The Grapes of Wrath - Great Depression sucked.
JFK - Guy who almost incinerated the whole world was killed by his government!
Last Tango in Paris - Pay to see stuff you can watch for free on youporn. Without Marlon Brando ranting about pigshit and vomit.
Lawrence of Arabia - SAND! GLORIOUS SAND!
Magnolia - Everything in the world happens for a reason. FROGS!
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves - HOW CAN YOU HATE DISNEY???? YOU'RE EEEEEVIL!
West Side Story - Greatest, rawest musical of ever made becomes a Technicolor extravaganza!
A Clockwork Orange - Rape is so funny. How dare they try to change the personality of a rapist!
Kenneth Branagh Hamlet - GO LAERTES!
Wings of Desire - Angels hear and influence our thoughts. Our thoughts are incredibly pretentious.
Shawshank Redemption - Friendship is awesome!
Spaghetti Westerns - Preserve an American tradition in embalming fluid!
Memento - Backwards. Whooooaaa! Tattoos! Double Whoooaaaa!
The Matrix - Save yourself a dollar and take Dark City out of the Redbox.
Se7en - What gruesome way of murdering someone is he gonna do next?!?!?
American Beauty - $10 million a year movie stars tell us what's wrong with the middle class.
Amelie - Awww. She's so cute! And so whimsical!
Requiem for a Dream - Drugs are bad.
Das Boot - Being on a submarine sucks.
Reservoir Dogs - Violence is soooo awesome!
Life is Beautiful - Auschwitz. What a great place to learn life lessons.
Braveheart - Rent Rob Roy.
Inglourius Basterds - Ew!... They're Nazis. It's ok.
Gladiator - Who knew the Roman Empire had so much social mobility?
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington - Never give up on your principles!!!! But I'm just trying to compro...YOU'RE NOT FIT TO LIVE!
No Country for Old Men - Wow. That guy's eeeeevil.
Snatch - British accents. They're weird.
Donnie Darko - Adolescence sucks. Being a schizo teenager sucks worse. Being a schizo teenager whose visions are real sucks still worse. Being a schizo movie sucks most.
There Will Be Blood - And there is.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - Newman and Redford. So handsome. So charming. Wait...this is a movie?
Avatar - Look mom. James Cameron made another toy!
In Bruges - Gangsters bicker.
Tim Burton - Let's relive my childhood! Again!
Stanley Kubrick - Can the machines please just take over already?!
Spirited Away - Weird things are weird.
Ben-Hur - Charlton Heston's jaw is very square.
The Usual Suspects - Verbal Kint is Kaiser Soze! Soooo............
Fahrenheit 9/11 - George Bush is bad. Wait, he's really bad enough that I don't have to make shit up???
Fellowship of the Ring - There's a monster! There's another monster! And another monster!
The Lady from Shanghai - Everybody's evil but Orson Welles!
Shaun of the Dead - Zombies don't do anything. But they're awesome!
Dances With Wolves - Let's go back to pre-industrial world with its pre-industrial mortality rates!
Cabaret - Berlin is going to the Nazis. Let's have kinky sex (musical's better).
Fantasia - OMG! IT'S MTV FOR THE RESTHOME!
The Natural - In the book he strikes out.
Frank Capra - America's a magical place. Not for everyb....SHUT UP!
John Ford - How the West was Won, by a Maine WASP.
The Exorcist - Little girl acts like a bitch. Scaaaaary.
* The opposite, movies I like which nobody else does, involves real thought. Each deserves a post/essay in their own right. This is faster :).