2010 Darwin Awards

The one thing I look forward to every December more than the Bad Sex Awards. (h/t Dad)

8th Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck
and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

7th Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker,
who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff
on his daily run.

6th Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug
an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach
chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of
sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him
out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a
hospital.

5th Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he
fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was robbing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands
free, rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

4th Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed
as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with
four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

3rd Place
After walking around a marked police
patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather &
Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a
uniformed officer was
standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer,
the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target
pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire and several
customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead
at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended
cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No
one else was hurt.

HONOURABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie
were bored just driving around at 2 a.m. So they lit a stick of dynamite
to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to
notice the window was closed

RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with
several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped
from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30
a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no
one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby.
They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other (!) to the
bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his
foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never
located.

AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn
, Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more
than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved
beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems
to be just one of those freak accidents that proves.... 'shit
happens'.