Fall - 135 BC, 619 Ab urbe condita, 3627
1. Upon Rosh Hashana 3627, Greek King Antiochus VII Sedetes, "Antiochus the Pious", heard of the massacre and prepared an army of 20,000 to sack Jerusalem. Upon Yom Kippur, John Hyrcanus, still officiating as High Priest, entered the Holy of Holies and prayed for a solution, whereupon God the Father sent a sign to John Hyrcanus to open the Sepulchre of King David, where was discovered 3000 ancient golden shekels; with which Hyrcanus could bribe Antiochus the Pious to refrain from sacking Jerusalem.
2. Upon reaching the gates of Jerusalem, Antiochus the Pious was informed by a messenger that it was Sukkot - Jewish Feast of the Tabernacles, during which Judeans cannot work. Antiochus the Pious knew well the story of his great-grandfather, Antiochus IV Epiphanes, and wanted no repeat of the Greeks' experience with Hunakkah, the Festival of Light. He therefore agreed immediately to a week's armistice.
3. Yet under cover of the seventh night, two messengers were seen leaving the Jerusalem gates, two of which were intercepted, one of whom was carrying a message to the Roman consul Flaccus pleading for Rome's assistance, the other to the Roman consul Piso. Under pain of torture, these messengers admitted that there were twelve vassals, all carrying the same message. After a day's torture and deliberation, Antiochus the Pious petitioned Hyrcanus for an immediate meeting to take place outside the city walls under flag of truce.
4. Hyrcanus: "I really must protest this meeting being unable to wait. I am supposed not to work today but you called for an emergency meeting so that I might plea for the lives of two Jerusalemites, so here I am." Antiochus: "I gave you an armistice last week because your vassal said it was your Festival Week during which you cannot work, but your festival week is over." "It was our festival week." "But you say that you're not allowed to work today." "I'm not." "But the festival week is over." "It is, but I'm not allowed to work today." "Why?" "Because it's our three holidays in the days after the Festival Week." "You're not allowed to work for ten days?" "We are allowed to work during our Festival Week, just not in the days after." "Then why did your messengers tell me you weren't." "Because your army came on the first day of the Festival, during which we're not allowed to work." "So you're allowed to work for the other days of the Festival Week?" "Yes." "Then why did you wait to send messengers until the seventh night when you couldn't work?" "We can work on the seventh night." "But you just said that there were three holidays after your Festival during which you can't work." "During the first holiday we can work, it's the other two holidays we can't. That's why the messengers left when they did, so they could be past your forces by the time it was time to stop working." "So your festival is six days long? Why did you tell us it was a week?" "It's a week-long festival, but the last day is both the last day of the Festival and its own holida..." "ENOUGH OF THIS!"
5. Antiochus: "Our intelligence tells us that twelve messengers left Jerusalem under cover of night. Was this at your permission?" "Yes." "Our intelligence further tells us they were all carrying the same message. Is this true?" "No." "Six of them were carrying the same message to Consul Flaccus, six of them were carrying the same message to Consul Piso, is this true?" "Yes." "And why did you send twelve messengers?" "Because we thought you would intercept some of our messengers and kill them." "I'm not my family. Those days of the Antiochus dynasty are over." "Your Majesty will have to excuse us for not knowing that." "Even if I don't kill them, Cleopatra's intelligence men are all over the Levant, my intelligence men are all over the Levant and I have no way to reach them. They're all on the lookout for travelers with messages, trying to intercept any message between Rome and Jerusalem. They may yet kill your messengers before they get to Rome." "That's why there are a dozen messengers, also by sending them on the seventh night we give you two day's notice to call off your..." "I'd really rather not know why you sent them on the seventh night..."
6. "No gold was found on the messengers." "No, it wouldn't be." "Then why would you think the Roman consuls would entertain your suit for their assistance?" "Why would we need to bribe Consuls Flaccus and Piso when our contacts in Rome helped to finance all of the Punic Wars?" "I was under the impression that Judea was in debt from your wars with us." "We are." "Then how in Plutus's name have you the money to finance Rome?" "Judea is not its Judeans, and Judean bankers in Rome may only leverage so much for us above the tributes they pay to Rome." "So if I'm surrounding you and you already owe money, then why should I grant you clemency?" "Because Rome will grant us assistance." "Your friends in Rome must have paid a hefty tribute." "They did." "And you must know that Rome desires much of Greece and Syria for itself." "I surely do."
7. "It would appear this invasion was a folly of mine, and yet as a King, you'll soon appreciate that we must always have something to show for our follies." "I'm not a king." "A high priest who's also his Party Secretary is far more powerful than a King. Any modest remuneration from you will do." "I actually have something more than modest for you. We have a treasure just discovered in the Sepulchre of our most glorious royal ancestor. It will be entirely yours." "And where is this treasure?" "It will come to you (they both say) when we can work again." "And when is that?" "Sundown." "No tricks this time?" "It wasn't a trick." "Speaking of trick, you're right that a former King's buried treasure is no modest thing, but if you have such a treasure, it stands to reason that you have far larger ones to which you are not granting me access." "If I did, and I don't, those treasures would obviously go to Rome." "I still believe your people have more treasures laying in wait." "Kings always do." "Your better at this than your brothers." "I know."
8. Antiochus: "Well, understanding that even the combined forces of Cleopatra the Third and Antiochus the Seventh could not possibly face Rome, I must immediately cease hostilities and pledge myself as an ally and friend to the Fourth Judean Liberator, John Hyrcanus. But I must warn him that my days grow short, and my children are not nearly so far sighted as its new Liberator seems to be." "Well then, the new Liberator will learn at the King of Greece's feet how our region can live peacefully."
129 BC, 625 Ab urbe condita, 3632
9. Antiochus VII Sedetes was on his deathbed. Hyrcanus: "I have learned at your feet how our region can live peacefully." Antiochus: "Consider your oath fulfilled." "I took an oath not to invade Greek territory after your death." "You won't keep it." "I will!" "I believe you would, but you know my children, they'd destroy our peace at a moment's impulse." "Surely your children are not as incompetent as that." "A moment's impulse caused my reinvasion of Judea." "Has this region ever known peace like the one your impulse brought?" "The invasion was an old man's folly, corrected the moment we met, but peace itself is an old man's folly."
10. "Surely peace isn't folly." "It surely is. Mend your follies Hyrcanus. I've indulged mine blithely." "What follies? You're Antiochus the pious, you're the only Greek who isn't a hedonist." "I have one folly above all." "What?" "The same as yours. My children. Mind your own children Liberator. They can be as much a shame to the Maccabee line as mine are to the Antiochs."
11. And at that moment, Antiochus's son smothered him with a pillow.
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