1. Shemayah and Avtalyon, heads of the Sanhedrin, wrap up Sanhedrin business and finish another meeting of the full court. Their fellow elders line up to say goodbye to them. After they leave, the two stay behind, as they always do, to plan the next day's agenda. But every day, before they do, they daven (chant) the Vidui together - the confessional. Just as they begin to recite it, Avtalyon breaks down in tears again. It had been a number of months since either of them did, but this is the third time in two weeks week that Avtalyon has. The weight of their crime, their forced murder of their fellow 68 Sanhedrin, weighs on them both. "Every day, I see their faces: Enosh over there, Kenan over here, Lamech and Mehallel getting into fights right where we're standing. "It's best you don't think about it." "It's impossible NOT to think about!" "Avtalyon they're with me every day too, but they're not as judgmental as you think they are." "God is judgmental!" "Then let God judge!" "How could he not have stopped us?" "How could he not have stopped a hundred things before us?" "We are the greatest criminals in Jewish history!" "We are so far from the greatest criminals in Jewish history." "We killed our whole people's leadership!" "Herod killed our whole people's leadership, we just held the swords." "Then we're nothing but the arms of Herod!" "You've just figured this out?" "Then we're not leaders at all!" "We ARE leaders! We were the begging children of converts and now we're the Rosh Sanhedrin protecting the people who hated us from an insane leader who wants to kill them! That's leadership and we don't have time to mourn!..." (Shemaya waits a beat then says) "Some days they shout at me and point to me with red eyes and grey skin, like Shmuel announcing Shaul's doom, and some days they seem to understand what I've done and say 'Shemikeh, we get it!' There isn't a day when I don't see their ghosts peaking out around all our friends and enemies in those chairs, but the more we work, the less I see them, and the more freindlich they seem when they come to me."
2. Shemayah calls in his assistant, Hillel, who, as usual, looks at him snarlingly, as Shemayah killed his father and grandfather. Tells Hillel that he is changing his duties. Until now, Herod's own guard would fetch the claimants for Sanhedrin hearings, but Herod is withdrawing his guardianship, so it falls to Hillel and his fellow pages to fetch them. As assistant to the President, it falls to Hillel to organize these trips, and he must keep a roster of addresses. "You can look that sullen in front of us Hillel, but a future Rosh Sanhedrin needs to be freylich in front of everybody else." Hillel leaves. Avtalyon says "We have to replace him. He knows what we did to his father..." "Of course he knows what we did to his father! We did it to his grandfather too!" "Then we have to replace him right away!" "Are you meshuggeh?! Then everybody will ask why we replaced him!" "I've got to leave the Sanhedrin." "You know that the only way you're leaving this job is without your head." "Better dead than this!" "You want Herod to kill every Judean? Let him put another son of Ishmael in your job. He'll start with all your sons and nephews." "Oh my god can you just let me complain." "You're responsible for keeping the entire Judean people alive, and they're all complaining! You don't get to!" "No you don't understand. You haven't seen Herod's latest letter. We'll be here all night."
3. Herod has sent Avtalyon a letter from Masada stating that he will be returning shortly and they need a ruling drafted upon his return. Cleopatra is scheming again to try to bring back the Judean people into slavery, and has used her Judean holdings in balsam to flood the market and ruin Nabathea's balsam, it's biggest export, and since her source is Jericho, the Nabatheans are preparing for war with the Tribe of Benyamin. Furthermore, Cleopatra is secretly on the side of the Nabatheans, and has sent King Malich a Roman general - Atheneon. Herod believes that this can all be worked to Judea's (re: Herod's) advantage. Since Benjamin is the poorer of the surviving tribes that lo these six years has given Herod so many headaches, it is best to simply cull many Benjaminites from the Judean kingdom. Herod therefore requires a ruling that prevents all other tribes and peoplehoods in Judea from coming to Benyamin's aid - thereby assuring the defeat, ethnic cleansing, and potential annihilation of the entire Benjaminite tribe.... Shemaya puts his head in his hands. "Hashem is not with us..." Sitting in silence, they hear Herod's chariots come to the Sanhedrin building days sooner than expected, along with the footsteps to their door.
4. Herod is very blase about it. "Don't worry, I don't expect you to have a ruling yet. I just thought we could run through some options." Herod is met sullen silence. "Oh come now, this isn't like you both. You've been so good to me these years, I know I can count on you for this." "Sire..." "I know, you're going to beg for Benyamin's life. It's only natural. Didn't Avraham beg for the lives of the Sodomites? If genocide is good enough for Hashem, why shouldn't it be good enough for me?" (Avtalyon) "Your majesty, have the Benyaminites done anything to merit their annihilation?" "I understand Avi, it's not fair. But gold only goes so far when there are too many people who don't have it and are mad they don't." "Surely we can divert some funds from the tem..." "I told you, discussion about the Temple renovations is off-limits. We're in the Roman era, and Romans are builders. If we want gold for poor people like the Benyaminites, we need to build like Romans. A great god deserves a great temple." (Shemaya) "Neither of us doubts that Sire, but this is a very delicate matter." "Romans crucify opponents by the million and this is a delicate matter? We don't have the military for this! It's either let the Benyaminites go to the slaughter or let us all!" "But surely Marc Antony won't..." (Herod gets angry) "Marc Antony may not last the year against Octavian! We have no more allies in Rome." "But once they've taken Benyamin won't they go after the rest of us?" "LEAVE THE MILITARY MATTERS TO ME!" "Sire, I'm sorry, this is just an unprecedented requ..." "This is just what you do! How many times did we agree that the Sanhedrin was corrupt at its core and needed to be cleansed."
5. Hillel knocks on the door and says "I'm sorry Rebbes but these defendants on the list, Joachim and Anne, ((Hillel...), they don't seem to live in Jerusalem anymore (Hillel!......). I spoke to their neighbors and they seem to have moved to Nazareth (HILLEL!)." (Hillel looks up and realizes he's in the presence of the King and immediately bows to the floor.) "Oh get up. I'm not the King here, I'm just a friend talking with his two most important friends." (Hillel hesitantly gets up) Herod: "Your name is Hillel-ben-Gamliel, isn't it?" "Yes." "Whether it's for me or my children, you're gonna be the Rosh Sanhedrin someday." "Thank you your majesty." "Don't thank me. Everybody in Jerusalem knows about the nice Jewish boy Hillel, and everybody remembers your father." "Yes sire." "You're barely fourteen and it's already said by other Rabbis that you're the best teacher in Jerusalem, is it true?" "I try only to be a credit to my students." "See? Fourteen years old and he's already the best politician in Judea. Can you help me teach a lesson to your teachers?" "I don't know if it's my place but if your majesty commands it..." "Come over to me, I want to show them something." (hesitantly) "Yes, your grace." (Hillel walks over to Herod and Herod pulls him into his arm, draws out a dagger and holds it against Hillel's throat.)
6. Shemaya: "Your majesty please, don't do this!" Herod: "You see this nice Jewish boy?" "Yes." "In ten or twenty years he's going to have you killed. Give me the order and I'll take care of this problem right now." "What??" "Hillel, you know what these men did to your father, right?" (Hillel hesitates) "I've only heard rumors, sire." "See? His life is about to end and he still knows the exact right thing to say. Somebody like him can conquer the world and his followers would still think he's a lamb." Shemaya: "My King, please don't do this." "What are you worried about? Until he gets a real following you two are the only men in Judea whose lives aren't in danger. I might be murdered tomorrow, but if you die, I have no legitimacy left." "Your highness, he's just a boy." "Exactly! He's just a boy. Hardly anybody knows about him yet or cares, but he knows that as long as he's alive, he's a threat to you and eventually you'll kill him just like you killed his father!" Avtalyon: "We don't know that he would ever kill anyone." Herod: "But do you really want to take the chance? I can make this problem go away forever years before it ever becomes a problem and now you schlemiels hesitate." Avtalyon: "Your grace, whatever we've done to Hillel, please forgive us." "What's to forgive? You haven't done anything I didn't order you to do, it's what I did to Hillel and what he WILL do to you, and he WILL do it." (Avtalyon breaks down crying) "See? You can't do it; and that's why you need me." (lets Hillel go)
7. "Stop crying Reb Avi. I just solved 20 years of problems for you. Hillel, nu? You're clearly a smart boy. You just saw, these meeskaits can't even kill you when your head's already on the platter! How much less could they have ever killed 70 people if I didn't threaten to kill them and their families if they didn't. Believe me, while they were doing it these prostaks were blubbering more than the dying. Be mad at me, not them." Hillel: "I'm not ma..." Herod: (cutting him off) "Of course you're mad. we're your father's killers, and he was a saint, just like you'll be one day; not like all those kings and queens I have to deal with all the time." "Thank you for honoring my father." "You see, he IS a saint, and he's gonna be loved by Jews long after people stop thinking about how much they hate me. You see nudniks? This is what you do to keep a nation going! You anticipate the problem, and you solve it, whatever unpleasant way you can. (turns around to leave)
8. Geb a cook. I gave you guys the best possible deal. I go out into Jerusalem with you, and every time, you'd think you're the real kings. They don't believe the rumors; as far as they're concerned, you're the last living links to Judah fucking Maccabee! I'm the one they hate, and I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: I LOVE it.
9. Hillel: "You love it?" (Herod laughs at Hillel's confidence): "Oh yes. I really do. Think about this boychik. When's the last time any Judean feared an Idumean? When's the last time any Philistine was taken seriously! Two thousand years of these Zhids giving Palestinians the worst possible deal, and finally, someone has the will to stand up to them. And once I do, I promote two Babylonian mamzers over you and your father to head the only organization that can stop me! And how do I do it? By doing exactly what those Heebs have always done." Hillel: "What have we always done?" "Come on mensch, you're too smart for this. You know the Torah much better than I do. Look at what Yahweh does, look at what he wants, and then tell me, who's followed his example better than I?"
10. Avtalyon: ""SHANDEH UND KHERPA UND BOOSHE UND KLEEMA!" Herod: (amusedly incredulous) "What?" "SHAME AND DISGRACE AND EMBARRASSMENT AND INFAMY!" (pause, Herod's amused, Shemaya's horrified) "I don't know if you've noticed but that's kinda what we do around here." "We can justify your murders. We can justify your thefts. But THIS COURT WILL NOT JUSTIFY WORSHIPING YOU AS A GOD!" (Herod pauses again) "Avi, come on, as though I could ever dream of being as much of a pig as your god."
11. "SHAME AND DISGRACE AND EMBARRASSMENT AND INFAMY! We should EXCOMMUNICATE YOU!" (Herod pauses again... says indulgently...) "Y'know... I wouldn't do that..." "Do your people truly mean nothing to you?!" "No, they mean everything to me, but if they suffer along the way for the way they made my people suffer, that's kinda nice..." "I know how you work Philistine! Today you say you honor Hashem through murder. Tomorrow it will be putting your statue in the Temple!" "Actually our endgame is putting Roman gods in the temple. Y'know, those people we're trying to be nice to? (without a pause) Haven't we talked about this?" "You've taken away their leaders, you've taken away their money, now you take away their faith?" "(Herod sighs) "Shemaya, I don't have the energy for this. Can you just explain it in a way he'll understand that the whole point of everything we're doing is to bring these Jewish peasants into the negative first century so that the Judeans will have a better life?" "You mean to have yourself worshipped as a God!" "Avi, look around Jerusalem and see the way people bow down to me. I'm already a god, I don't need anybody to call me one." "YOU ARE A HERETIC AND YOU WILL BE PUNISHED BY THE HOLY ONE BLESSED BE HIS NAME IN WHATSOEVER WAY HE CHOOSES!" Shemaya: "AVI ENOUGH ALREADY!" Herod: "No, actually this is kind of refreshing. Nobody but Marianne talks to me this way. We should do this in public, I can show that I welcome disagreement and that you're not just rubber stamps."
12. (brief pause) "Reb Avi, my most valued friend, please understand. I don't want to be worshiped as a god. It's not useful to me. Money is useful, business is useful, power is usefu, and yeah, sometimes murder and slavery is useful. So if we can give the people a few more gods, let them choose which to sacrifice to, make the religion of the Jews closer to the way Romans and Greeks worship, that's useful." "WE WILL NOT WORSHIP THE GODS OF THE EPICUREANS!" (Herod's eyes grow cold) "Reb Avi, you've been a wonderful collaborator, but don't ever say that again." "WE WILL NOT DO IT!" "DON'T SAY THAT AGAIN!" "WE WILL NOT DO IT! WE WILL NOT DO IT! WE WILL NOT DO IT!" (Herod takes out his sword and just barely stops himself from striking Avtalyon) "I SWEAR TO YOU I FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL AND THAT WILL BE THE MOMENT YOUR HEAD COMES OFF!"
13. Avtalyon: "GOD HAS FINALLY SHOWN US WHAT YOU ARE!" Herod: "And what am I?..." "YOU ARE THE TEMPTATION OF SATAN! YOU KILL AND YOU KILL AND YOU KILL, AND FOR WHO'S BENEFIT? GOD'S? YOUR PEOPLE? MINIONS LIKE US? NO! NOT EVEN YOURS! YOU DO IT FOR ROME AND YOU WILL LEAD US BACK INTO EXILE AND LIKE THEY'VE DONE TO A HUNDRED OTHER PEOPLES!" Herod: "Rome's benefit IS our benefit!" Avtalyon: "HASHEM SENT YOU TO THE PEOPLE OF ISRAEL TO TEACH US THE LESSON THAT EVIL IS EVIL AND THERE IS NO LESSER EVIL! (the ground begins to tremble) MURDER IS MURDER AND THE LORD GOD WILL MAKE US PAY FOR WHAT WE'VE LET YOU DO."
(the ground shakes and building collapses with rubble from the ceiling falling on all four of them. Herod digs his way out, and then Hillel, and then Avtalyon and Shemaya.)
14. Herod: Everybody alright? (everybody nods) Nothing broken? (everybody moves their limbs.) Roman Guard: "He's over there! Sire, thank Asclepius you're alright." Herod: "None the worse for wear. Everything's alright.... Though that Rabbi over there was telling me what an asshole I am..." "Should we?..." "Maybe,... he's done us enough good that he gets a free pass for now, though I may change my mind in a few hours..."
15. Herod asks the guards: "What's the damage?" "The palace sustained no damage but three quarters of the Temple has been completely destroyed." (Herod bursts into laughter, then he gives Avtalyon a long hug and a comic Judas kiss - Roger Rabbit style, who is still fuming) Shemaya: "Majesty are you alright?" Herod: "Reb Avi you're even more value to me when you hate me. If you meant to bring down the wrath of the Lord on me you just saved me a lot of money. It would have taken a hundred thousand prutahs just to tear down the old Temple, and you just did it for free. (pause) Mazel Tov, you just saved Benjamin." "What?" "Now we can put that money into a war to save the Benyaminites."
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