More with Istvan Ticoczki, the world's worst novelist

 AC Charlap Tell me about your novelistic project?

Istvan Tococzki: It is 'the Jewish comedy.'

ACC: It's not very funny.

IT: That is where the comedy lies.

ACC: I'm afraid I don't understand.

IT: I wish to convey the entirety of Jewish history as Dante did for the afterlife and Balzac for Paris.

AC: How long have you been working on it?

IT: Seventy years.

AC: How much have you finished.

IT: I have roughly three percent of it complete in rough form.

AC: It sounds exhausting.

IT: I shall complete the rough draft in roughly the year 4823.

AC: You think you will live long enough to complete it?

IT: It does not matter whether I live long enough. The material should be unfinishable.

AC: Why then would people read it?

IT: None read it anyway.

AC: But it isn't published yet.

IT: It's not publishable.

AC: So why write it?

IT: Because one day people will read it.

AC: You just said it isn't publishable.

IT: It will be read, not published.

AC: What does that mean?

IT: I do not know.

AC: Then why do you say it?

IT: Why say anything?

AC: Inquiring minds want to know why you are writing this work.

IT: That would be the first time minds ever inquired into my work.

AC: Well they are now.

IT: No they're not.

AC: That's why we're here.

IT: You're here because your magazine exhausted all other options.

AC: Does that make any difference?

IT: Ultimately no.

AC: So why do you write it?

IT: Because a voice told me to.

AC: A voice? What sort of voice?

IT: How should I know what sort of voice?

AC: Would other people know better than you?

IT: Who knows?

AC: Well then maybe you should tell us so that better informed readers can tell you.

IT: Alright, I was told by God.

AC: .God?

IT: God.

AC: ..God!

IT: God.

AC: ...God?

IT: God.

AC: Why would God tell you to write something?

IT: Why does God do anything?

AC: You really believe God spoke to you?

IT: What else should I believe?

AC: What did he tell you?

IT: That he would dictate a novel to me that reveals the universe's truth.

AC: Has he?

IT: No.

AC: Has he dictated anything to you?

IT: I sometimes think he does. Much of my writing reads to me as though I did not write it.

AC: Does it really?

IT: Many readers agree with me.

AC: Is it possible that they mean...

IT: ...yes they mean it's incoherent, I know.