Deer Yakov,
So I know I’ve apologized many times for sending Eliphaz into your tent to kill you the night after you stole the blessing, but I don’t think I ever told you just how much regret it filled me with even the night after I did it. Eliphaz, a textbook jock even past his old father, came home that night groaning with tears, he just couldn’t do it. I don’t want to make you relive everything, but he told me how even as you packed to leave everything forever, how you begged Eliphaz to kill you, how ‘that voice’, probably the voice in the head of Abba Yitzhak and Sabba Avraham, never left you alone, and how you offered Eliphaz everything: the birthright, the blessing, every nuance of dowry with which Ima Rivka sent you to Lavan, and when he hesitated, you chanted the sacred renouncement so that the birthright and the blessing itself may never come to you, knowing that you could never return, and that any further appearance to a member of the House of Avraham would result in your death. It was at that moment I knew that I was the blessed brother for being free of the voice that killed Abba Yitzhak and Sabah Avraham, and I immediately knew I had to tell him never to tell anyone what you heard, and pretend that I never had any right to the birthright myself. I later heard that you went out into the desert without even clothes on your back, determined to truly leave everything behind. I know you don’t believe me, but you have no idea how many times I whimpered in the middle of the night from shame, how many times I missed you, how many times I realized just what a torment I was to you, I realized then that the hashpipe was a way to drown the voice out, only for the drugs to add pictures at random to everything the voice said.
So much love,
Esav
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