(Hard cut to Scene 2)
(4 of Reb Yaakov's sons smoking cigarettes in the Jewish cemetary)
Gad: (imitating his father) They do the mitzvahs, they go to shul, they work so hard, they help their Mameh, they help your Mamehs...
Asher: Oh we help their Mamehs... (they all laugh)
Dan: Naphtali, vilst du roll me one too.
Naphtali: OK Dan, but every time I roll you a papiros sound like you're gonna huss out Rabbi Schkop!
Asher: How do you know we didn't ground der Rebbe into tabacco?
Gad: His headstone's right there! Why don't you ask him?
Asher: Why don't I?
(hear a fly unzip, Asher pishes on the Rebbe's headstone)
Dan: Oh don't fucking pish on the Rebbe!
Gad: Don't curse in the cemetery!
Naphtali: Who's gonna hear us?
Gad: You don't wanna tempt the evil eye.
Asher: What evil eye? You ever see it?
Gad: Mameh's in labor! Just don't do it today, wait to do drek like this tomorrow!
Asher: What drek?
Gad: Why do you always do things like a mamzer?
Asher: I've got the same Mameh as you Gad.
Gad: If Mameh saw your drek on the headstone of the Bransker Rebbe she'd have you excommunicated.
Asher: I'm not shitting I'm pishing!
Gad: (sighs) Alright take a shit in the fucking ocean.
Asher: (proud) Ha! There's my tzaddik.
Dan: You still haven't rolled me a papiros.
Asher: You still haven't told us what this schlock is with that kadokhes Dreyfus.
Dan: You can read it for yourself!
Naphtali: Asher doesn't read.
Asher: Shtup ir, of course I read, I just don't like to.
Naphtali: He says the words look backwards.
Dan: Wow, we're worried about tempting the evil eye but Asher is the evil eye.
Asher: And you're gonna get it in your evil eye if you don't tell us what that newspaper says.
Dan: It's just more drek about that nochschlepper Dreyfus.
Asher: What's happening to him?
Dan: Bupkes! Like always happens! He's sitting in jail, his rich brother's giving money for him...
Asher: (interrupting) Are we sending him money?
Dan: What money?!
Asher: We have money!
Naphtali: We had money. Uncle Ezra sends less every year. You know this!
Gad: It's that apikeyres wife of his. She always hated Tateh.
Dan: And Uncle Ezra always hated her!
Naphtali: He did?
Dan: You heard what Shimon said. Apparently he goes to bed with a different shiksa from the factory every night.
Naphtali: Well so what, wouldn't any of us do that if we could?
Gad: Yehuda told me that when he went to help Uncle Ezra he saw kielbasa in the kitchen.
Naphtali: (sigh/chortle, stunned) Well now that's shocking... Mein Gott, what the shtup....
Dan: Did you really think Ezra was a Yiddisher kop?
Naphtali: I thought he was like any of us, only rich.
Dan: Well we did pretty well for a while there.
Gad: Yeh, cuz we have a reicher for an uncle!
Naphtali: Doesn't Tateh have anything saved away?
Dan: He had eleven children!
Naphtali: Well, I guess we mazel'd out. Uncle Ezra cut the funds just as we got Bar Mitzvah'd and could go work.
Gad: Some work we're doin' here.
Dan: This is arbeit! We're here trimming the grass in the cemetery.
Gad: This is bupkes! We should have been home two hours ago!
Dan: What does it matter? Who's hiring right now? When you have eleven brothers there are only jobs for sev...
Asher: (interrupting) Stop, who's this picture of? (holds up newspaper to Dan)
Dan: That? That's Dreyfus!
Asher: That meeskait is Dreyfus?
Dan: Ye, that's... who Tateh's been talking about every day since we were in Kheyder.
Asher: Look at the shmattehs on him!
Dan: Yeah, he... looks like a shaygetz.
Gad: That guy's as Jewish as the shtupping Pope!
Naphtali: Look at the stripes on his fucking hoot!
Gad: And what the shtup is that mustache?
Naphtali: How can a Yid who dresses like that not be guilty?
Dan: And what's with the fucking knepls on his shirt?
Asher: Dan. Is there any way of telling from the picture what colors his uniform are?
Dan: Well, you're not gonna believe this but I once saw the French uniform on a stamp. It was red, white and blue.
Asher: Ret, veis, un bleu?! How the fuck do these zelners go into the field without other soldiers knowing where to shoot them a hectare away?
Naphtali: A feinschmeker like this guy must go into a barber and say "Hey. Make my mustache look like the hair over my putz!'
(everybody laughs)
Gad: Seriously, why the fuck do all these alter trombeyniks give a dreck about some French faygaleh?
(interrupts from 10 feet away)
Jan Kowalski: And who's the faygaleh here
Filip Kowalski: Tak, we know what that word means!
(Franczisek grabs the paper)
Jan: Look at these dupeks! Laughing sie na cemetery!
Franczisek Kowalski: Smoking papieros too!
Jan: They probably think ze sa special cuz they can read!
Aleksander: Well even if they're smieching sie na cemetery they still look as stupid as every other Zhid.
(Jan Kowalski unzips his fly and starts to pisch on Rebbe Chaim Schkop's headstone)
Dan: Oh don't...
Jan: Don't?...
(pause, only sound of pissing)
Dan: Don't siki...
Jan: Don't siki? You hear that bracia? I started sikiing thirty seconds ago he wants me to stop! Give me that newspaper.
(sound of pissing on a paper)
Jan: So what were you Zhids reading about?
Filip: They were probably learning more magic spells.
Asher: Nie don't know any magic spells.
Gad: Asher, don't.
Jan: Asher! Don't. Bracia, hold that one, make sure Asher's watching so we can teach him a lesson. (they grab hold of Gad and he crumbles up the newspaper) Here, take a look at these letters up close. (shoves the newspaper into Gad's mouth)
Asher: Take that newspaper out of my brother's mouth.
Jan: Oh! You're brother! Well we hear all about your family Asher Kharlap. A rdzina where all eleven live to be adults? That's fucking black magia!
Aleksander: Tak! They're probably here so nobody can hear their plans to poison our blyading wells!
Asher: Well maybe if your kind cleaned their shtupping wells once in a while your kid siostra wouldn't get sick and die!
(seven seconds of silence)
Jan: What are you saying? That you fucking mordecas of Christ had the secret to not getting chory this whole time and you've been keeping it from us?
Asher: Go back to your shtupping Boyars and Priests! They knew it this whole time and kept it from you to keep you stupid!
Dan: Asher, sey shtil.
Filip: Are you calling our Holy Fathers liars?
Asher: They're fucking thieves and rapists and murderers!
Dan: Mir ale hobn tzu lozn!
(Dan and Naphtali run away, the Kowalski kids immediately lunge for Asher, Gad's paper falls out of his mouth and falls down to catch his breath while Asher is beaten up.)
Asher: Gad, helf mikh!
Jan: Tak Gad, help him! It's just you and him against six of us. Tell you what,... why don't you just leave this idiota for us and you can run away like a nice Jewish boy.
Asher: Gad, helf mikh!
Jan: Well Gad, are you going to help your bro....
(Gad runs away)
Jan: All your zhid brothers have run away.
Filip: Tak, that's what Jewish boys always do. They always run away.
Asher: What? You're gonna kill me like your father 'Der Yid Merderer'?
(Jan hits him)
Asher: You can't even figure out that your rulers are killing you quicker than you ever kill us!
(Jan hits him again)
Asher: You're gonna keep shlogging me the way your father shlogs you? I see the black eyes, you can't even give me a black eye as big as that shikker gives you every night!
Jan: Franczisek, pick up that papieros.
(Jan burns Asher with the lit papieros, Asher screams, then they continue beating on Asher, keep going until the third or fourth punch, then cut to Scene 3)
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