Samuel: stump speech in Menashe
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I'm gonna trigger you right now. I know our generation loves to be offended, so I'm going to offend you deliberately.
(giant cheer, followed by reverent silence)
Right now, our generation, we are, the most weary generation in history, the most burthened generation in history. Our generation leads every statistic in shadow walks, sorrow, grief, vexation, heart-heaviness and self-cursing. We are the generation latest to marry. The demographics show that our birth rates are lower now than they even were when we were slaves! Worst of all, we are the generation least likely to bring sacrifices to temples.
(crowd boos)
Something is seriously wrong here. We have become a society devalues god, devalues traditional marriage and devalues raising children in a community that rejects the culture that surrounds us!
(crowd issues giant cheer)
We have to fight for our country! We have to fight for our civilization! We have to reject the moral relativism of Canaan and all their easy temptations. Our Eastern Civilization was built on doing things because they are hard: BECAUSE they delay gratification! We Jews don't do things because they feel good, we do them because there are more important things than feeling good.
(crowd gives standing ovation)
The dating scene is an utter disaster. Women now hate men, and because they do, men have learned to hate women!
Men, this is simple: if you spend all your time gaining weight from drinking strong drink, eating processed unkosher meat, going to Canaanite temples to listen to their music and ogle at their priestesses dancing like zombies, smoking opium and whoring with Canaanite harlots and bringing their diseases back into our tents. Women, do you find this deeply unattractive?
(loud high pitched cheer!)
If you're smoking opium, stop. If you're going to Canaanite temples to look at their pornography, stop. If you're drinking their ale, stop. If you want a life of comfort, you can keep listening to their music. But if you want to live a heroic life, you live a life of the Word of God.
(everyone cheers)
Men, women always tell us that one of the most unattractive things in the world is a man with no self-control. Women, is this true?
(high screams of Yes!)
Oh don't worry. Women we're gonna talk later, especially the daughters.
(comfortable laughter)
Men, if you are on a date and you women say 'what are you going to do with your life' and you say 'Oh, I dunno, I guess I'm gonna tend to a flock of sheep for the next twenty years. Naar! Uh-uh! Efes! Nebbish! Instead you should be saying "I'm studying Tashma to solve Kashya because I want to learn Teyuvta! I want to do this to make enough shekels to provide bread and basar for you and kids and I don't care how hard it gets, I'm going to be your Magen and your Shomer and I am going to be your Manhig!"
(explosive cheers)
And I will tell you, there are all kinds of people out there who will tell you that modern women are korvehs and shreklekh, and you should just use them for your own knowledge and khafetz. (a few boos) I'm telling you right now: no real Jew can ever believe that. Modern women have problems, but the living God made man in His image and fashioned women from men! There are no patriarchs without matriarchs!
I meet so many sad men who say "I'm done with women," but that's the goyish way! The Jewish way is to improve your own life to make yourself attractive to the woman you one day want to acquire!
(giant cheers)
Today's progressives want men to be women and women to be men, and they want men to get rid of their dominant energy and walk around as women's helpmeets. You know how to fight that? Go do something hard! (applause builds through this litany) Build your own sheep flock! Hunt your own deer! Plant your own grapes! Grow your own wheat! Stop eating those Canaanite desserts so you can go to Mount Hermon and hike through the Negev and lose all that weight that no woman finds attractive! Observe the fast days! God gives everybody on this dune their struggles, but He gave you these struggles so you could overcome them! You only have yourself to blame if you don't start the fight (cheers by here are stupendous, he now shouts over them) If you're a boy, you can stay away from that fight and just follow your Canaanite friends. But if you're a man, you reject that culture. It takes no skill, and no talent to do what feels good, that's what animals do. If you're a man, you say "I'm not gonna live a life of easy sin and sex and drugs", I'm gonna live a life of God and purpose and prosperity!
(waits for crowd to calm down)
Look at your forefathers who built this nation, who brought down the Walls of Jericho and conquered the warriors of Ai, who killed Eglon and defeated Midian with only 300 men! Who killed 600 Philistines with an oxgoad and brought down the Philistine Temple with their bare hands! These men built this country, and men of Israel, you have what it takes to make this country great again!
(the crowd reacts as though Tesla's electrical currents have zapped through them and they're all on their feet making more noise than they ever thought possible)
Alright, now time for die maydlach. (everybody goes OOOOOOHHHH!) Who's ready for me to tell some truths none of you want to hear? (everybody cheers again)
Men think women who sleep with more than three men are frumps! (more cheers) Some of you may have body counts that are five men, ten men, twenty men, don't tell your husbands, they don't want to know. You're beautiful to your husbands now, but if they find that out, you'll be a meeskeit. Men do not want to acquire women who have slept with whatever Canaanite shepherd gave them a stone god in the shape of a schmeckle (general laughter).
I see all these maydlach looking around right now. You were all kvelling when I was criticizing men, but now? You're looking around to see who sees you for what you've done. I see you, God sees you and your behavior is not impressive. (selective cheers)
A woman who walks in Hashem's ways does not go out looking for men she can bed. And she doesn't use those Egyptians contraceptives that let her fornicate without risk of pregnancy; remember what those contraceptives did to your foremothers in Eygpt? She waits for a husband to buy her and submits to his will just as he submits to God's! (high pitched cheers)
And some of you women here, you're saying to each other 'well MY marriage is egalitarian. We're equal partners!' Well if you've had your mind and your neshawma so polluted by Canaanite culture with all their female godesses and polygamy that you believe that and you call yourself a Jew, I'm gonna call bulldrek on you. In a Jewish marriage you submit to your husband. He said to Eve: "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he will rule over you." And your husband then has a huge responsibility to submit to God's rule and make sure you all live by the Torah: him, you, your children, your servants, even your livestock. (cheers)
Some women are going to hear this and say 'No, this is not my plan for me.' Whether or not it's your plan, it's God's plan. It may be new, but it's caught on, and it's caught on because it works. Has paganism ever worked out for you? Has it ever worked out for anyone? (shouts of NOOOO!) Going back and forth between multiple partners? Thinking that gender is fluid? Sharing wealth in communities of equals? (more shouts of NOOOO!) For thousands of years, men have wanted sex from women, and for thousands of years, women just gave it to them! Men had so many wives that they couldn't keep track of how women behaved, and when kids came, there was no way of even knowing who the father was!
Judaism evolved to say that there is a better way! (huge cheers that just get bigger) The Torah was written to show us a better way! ONE God, ONE husband, ONE wife, ONE owner, ONE boss!
(waits for crowd to calm down)
Because I know this, deep down, beneath the soldier woman facade and the unconcealed hair and the tattoos and the raiment that should only be worn by men, you are all desperate for a man to rule you (high pitched cheers), you're all yearning for a man to be the bread of your life, you're all begging for it, you want it so badly! (the high pitched cheers have gotten louder and louder)
(waits for a moment)
But you're afraid to say it. You're afraid to say it to your friends. I know you are, you know you are, you think your friends don't know, but they all know, because they want it too! Deep down, you want your Eliezer to come to the well and announce your Isaac! Why are you having so much sex? Because like all women, you want love and you're not getting it because you're too easy to have sex with!
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